Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Happy Birthday, Keith Richards

It’s Keith Richards’ birthday today, and I couldn’t be happier. Seriously, whenever I look at him, I feel that there’s hope for anyone who completely disregards all form of medical advice in favor of complete superficial pleasure. Face it: you want to be just like Keith, to be able to live exactly like he did with a total blueprint of unhealthy habits, but you’re too chickenshit to do it.
And to top it off: he’s still alive and fairly coherent.
God bless him
I once had a dream when I was married to my first wife. I dreamt that one day I ran into Keith Richards and we struck up a conversation. I invited him over to my house and, as I peppered him with questions and pressed for stories about his passed, I tried to loosen his tounge with my only bottle of Cutty Sark and a six pack of Red Stripe beer. I also let him smoke anywhere he wanted, even after he littered the carpet and furniture with ashes.
By the time midnight rolled around, my ex-wife had enough of Keith’s stories and retired to bed. He, on the other hand, continued to tell stories and, as much as I hated to consider it, I found myself growing tired too.
But one does not kick out Keith Fucking Richards, so I boldly suggested that he retire with me…In the same bed that my ex-wife and I shared. There we were, much to my ex’s annoyance, all three snuggled in bed with Keith still telling stories in between the ex and me. He coughed a lot and shook the bed with each one, but his snores were even louder.
And, regardless of how much trouble I would be facing after the fact, I would totally do the same thing if the opportunity ever presented itself.

Keith Richards was born on this day in 1943


Dave said...

Aww. Lookie. He's got a wittle arm band on him!

Anonymous said...

That is a scary photo.