Kiss Plushes On Sale Today So That You Can Help With Gene Simmons' Retirement

After the Kiss Kasket and Kiss skins for Mini Cooper automobiles, nothing surprises me any more. Here's the press release from the Funko company.


The folks at FUNKO have come up with yet another way to reinvent one of the most influential rock and roll bands of all-time of all time... KISS! On September 7th, they will release their new line of KISS Plushies to the masses. (Click on the images to the right for hi res photos)

The line consists of four dolls: Gene Simmons 'The Demon', Paul Stanley 'The Starchild', Ace Frehley 'The Spaceman', and Peter Criss 'The Catman'.

Each doll is 7" tall and is available for pre-order at www.entertainmentearth.com. They will start shipping to customers on September 11, at which time they will be available at local FYE stores. Each doll will retail in the 10.99-12.99 price range.

KISS holds honors as one of America's top gold record champions, recording 36 albums over 32 years selling over 85 million albums worldwide. The band formed in New York City in December 1972 and was easily identified by each member's trademark face paint and stage outfits. They rose to prominence in the mid and late-1970s on the basis of their elaborate live performances, which featured fire breathing, blood spitting, smoking guitars, and pyrotechnics. KISS has been awarded 24 gold albums to date.The band has sold over 85 million albums to date.

The original lineup of Paul Stanley (vocals and rhythm guitar), Gene Simmons (vocals and bass guitar), Ace Frehley (lead guitar and vocals), and Peter Criss (drums, percussion and vocals) is the most successful and identifiable. With their makeup and costumes,

they took on the personae of comic book-style characters: The Demon (Simmons), Starchild (Stanley), Spaceman (Frehley), and Catman (Criss). The band explains that the fans were the ones who ultimately chose their makeup designs.

The "Demon" makeup reflected Gene's cynicism and dark elements, as well as his love for comic books. Paul Stanley became the "Starchild" due to his tendency to be referred to as the "starry-eyed lover" and "hopeless romantic." Ace Frehley's "Spaceman" makeup was a reflection of him wanting to go for a ride in a space ship and supposedly being from another planet. Peter Criss' "Catman" makeup was in accordance with the belief that Peter had nine lives due to his rough childhood in Brooklyn.

"Over thirty years of record-breaking tours around the globe include high-profile appearances at Super Bowl XXXIII, the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City and most recently, the 2005 Rockin' The Corps concert dedicated to our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The KISS legacy continues to grow, generation after generation, transcending age, race and creed.

The unparalleled devotion and loyalty of the KISS Army to the "Hottest Band in the World" is a striking testament to the band's unbreakable bond with its fans.

Gene Simmons Counterfeit Jewels

Not too long ago, I watched a Gene Simmons Family Jewels episode which rubbed me the wrong way as apposed to other episodes where I quickly turned away because Simmons is a one trick pony and his spiel is as tired as any dinosaur act.

The show is proving that the son doesn’t fall too far from the tree, but with as much bullshit as that show promotes, it’s hard to tell if the father/son dynamic is composed or in fact reality.

Because everything falls too neatly into place with that show, unlike The Osbournes first season where Ozzy putzed around like a clueless sap, painfully showing us that Sharon ran the show, both literally and figuratively. That moment began when Sharron rigged the Ozzy show to pump out bubbles.

Meanwhile, if Kiss had a show with bubbles, nobody would blink an eye-because they’re more about the “show” than the business of protecting an image. And the image is trade-marked and copyright protected.

Which made the “special” episode of Kissteriakind of unique as it included Paul Stanley eating a sandwich at his place with Gene, who just happened to be over for a bite to eat.

Which casually munching away, the television set was conveniently tuned to some station that was airing Extra! Or Entertainment Tonight or some other tabloid show who just happened to be doing an unsolicited announcement that Kiss’ Alive album was celebrating its 35th anniversary. Not 25, Not 30, but 35, because it rolls off the tongue (pun intended).

The viewer is then led to believe that Gene and Paul then start up yet another conversation of “I hate how all these young bands come out and do a boring rock show!” like this is the only conversation that these two men ever have with each other

This in turn then becomes the obligatory “We should do another tour and show these youngsters how a real rock band plays live!” which prompts Paul to put down his sandwich and call manager Doc McGhee to set up an impromptu tour of Australia.

From there, the tour is created and the duo put Doc through a bunch of headaches and pretended to add on additional dates in the middle of their Australian tour.

To make drama, the footage shows Gene stuck on his Peter Pan cables after flying during “God Of Thunder,” making the event as some kind of death defying moment when the only thing Gene was really in danger of losing was his pride.

And even that couldn’t occur, and he takes out all of his spoiled anger on the hapless McGhee who throws back an obligatory “This is what happens when you rush putting a tour together..” reply.

Personally, I don’t believe any of them. I don’t believe the decision to tour was made over a turkey on rye, I don’t believe that McGhee put together a tour that quickly, and I don’t believe that all of the shenanigans that this special episode presents even happened.

The funniest thing is how all of this translates as some kind of living dangerously scenario that Gene and Paul want you to believe. When they’re not living on the edge by scheduling shit on a moment’s notice, they’re giving back to the community in the form of woefully ugly Paul Stanley art pieces, including one that he “forgets” for some charity while in Australia.

So what does the Starman do when he realizes that he forgot his painting to auction? He complains to Doc McGhee. When Doc orders someone to retrieve the painting and overnight deliver it to Australia, they end up shipping the wrong painting altogether.

Again, it’s impossible to judge if this event really happened or was sabotaged for laughs. What’s even more hilarious is the painting that Stanley comes up with in his hotel room while the other member of Kiss and his two hired guns are partying in a club.

It’s awful in an “I’m throwing a bunch of shit on a canvas and I’ll bullshit my way on stage to make up some phony nonsense as to the meaning of this turd when it’s time for the auction.”

Stanley does just that and he gets a fortune for his charitable artwork.



Speaking of Kiss, I never did see how the "Kids Get In Free" promotion even worked. Aside from that initial announcement, did they ever explain how the kids could actually get in free?

Proof That Gene & Paul Are Married To Each Other

Why does this remind me of two Grandparents bickering at each other?



Taken before Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve in 1994.

Paul Stanley-People, Let Me Get This Off My Chest

For over a month, an unofficial Paul Stanley disc has been frequenting the cd player. Before you think that this is some musical follow-up to Stanley’s 1978 Kiss-era solo effort, remember that some of Paul Stanley’s best material is when he’s introducing his musical material. “People, Let Me Get This Off My Check” is a 70-track compilation of Paul Stanley stage banter recorded throughout the world in various venues during various tours, both Kiss and solo gigs.
If you’ve ever been to a Kiss concert (my review of a 2000 show), you’ll know that half of the concert is essentially Paul Stanley bullshitting the audience and making them believe that the next song is the second coming of Christ. The funny thing is that 1.) Stanley is Jewish 2.) His shtick repeats with alarming frequency and 3.) the whole notion that a band so devoted to giving a spectacle of a show has to remind everyone in attendance that it’s a spectacle of a show is fairly disingenuous. For some of us, that’s what’s fun about seeing a Kiss show; you get the sense that both you and Stanley understand that the entire spectacle is not really about the music, but in the way you sell it.
And sell it he does. Every. Fucking. Song. This fucker cannot shut up. Seriously. The great thing is that material is hilarious, and hats off to the dude who decided to compile all of this shit. There clearly is a market for people who think Paul Stanley is ten times funnier than Dane Cook.

Having only seen Kiss once in my life, it surprised me that many of the same rants included on this disc were verbatim the ones that I witnessed live. It shouldn’t have surprised me as this was a band that calculated almost every single move from the moment somebody in the band said: “You know what we should all do? Put some whiteface on!”
Paul repeatedly reminds the Army that they’re getting their money’s worth (presumably, it’s the audience that he’s referring to), that the next tune is the first time they’ve played it on tour, that he was talking backstage to someone (The promoter? The beer vendor? The caterer?) about what kind of alcohol that people in the area like to drink, that they’re just getting started, and that he’s got an “uzi of ooze” in his pants.
He continually states the name of the city they’re playing in over and over. He yells out some very unheavy phrases like “Yes indeed” and “Oh, my goodness” and does nothing to curtail the rumors that he is a homosexual by asking “Guys, how many of you liked to get licked? You lick me; I lick you.”
In almost every bit of dialogue, Stanley is practically yelling at the audience for no good reason. Its one thing to give an obligatory “I can’t hear you,” but to repeatedly scream “Can you hear me?!” is criminal. Fuck yes we can hear you dude! With your fucking p.a. they can hear you all the way in Greenland.