Another Band With 'Las Vegas' Reference In Their Name Releases A New Video

This time without William Shatner and this time with a Nikki Sixx connection.

I've actually seen The Last Vegas live once and thought, "They're a perfectly decent afterthought." Probably in the same way people view the bands Shooting Star or Missouri today.

But I'm old school: The Last Vegas ain't got nothin' on Shooting Star.

So they have a new view out, a new record in the works, Nikki Sixx discovered them, blah blah woof woof.

Press:


The Last Vegas back with a video for "She's My Confusion," US and Euro Tour announced with Buckcherry and Hardcore Superstar, new album in the works!

Chicago rockers The Last Vegas are back with another eye-catching music video for the song "She's My Confusion" off the band's fourth full-length album, Bad Decisions, released last fall through FrostByte Media.

The video is produced and directed by the Chicago-based video production company Motion Source Video Solutions, the same team responsible for the "Evil Eyes" music video.

The video is based on a well-known Chicago area ghost story named Resurrection Mary that's been around since the '30s. The young woman, Mary, had spent the evening dancing at the Oh Henry Ballroom (now the Willowbrook) with a boyfriend. Following an argument that evening Mary stormed out into the cold winter's night, leaving the ballroom behind and walked along Archer Avenue. Not long after, she was struck and killed by a hit-and-run driver who fled the scene leaving her to die. The story survives through the many men who claim picking up a young female hitchhiker along Archer Avenue between the Willowbrook Ballroom (which is the locale for the video) and Resurrection Cemetery. When reaching the cemetery, the young woman is let out only to disappear into the cemetery.

"The Willowbrook Ballroom is a Chicago musical institution; one bad-ass, old-school place which drips of mystery, intrigue and aura. What better place to film an unconventional rock video for 'She's My Confusion?' We stepped back in time and addressed whether those noises we hear in the night are real, or just a dream?" - Adam Arling

TLV are a straight-up rock n' roll meets garage/punk rock band that turn any event into a raucous. Hailing from Chicago and formed in 2005, TLV burst onto the national scene in 2009 when Motley's Crue's Nikki Sixx saw them play live in Los Angeles and subsequently co-produced their third album, Whatever Gets You Off. More touring followed, including a stint opening Motley Crue's "Saints Of Los Angeles" tour. The Onion referred to their sound as "Swaggering, stomping, balls-out guitar rock", while The Chicago Sun-Times declared them to be "Red hot garage-rockers."

The Last Vegas is: Chad Cherry (vocals), Adam Arling (guitars), Danny Smash (bass), Nate Arling (drums) and Johnny Wator (guitars).

TLV are in studio this month laying down tracks for their fifth full-length album, title yet to be determined, working with the great Roy Z (Judas Priest, Bruce Dickinson, Sepultura) and immediately following up with a North American tour and then a European tour supporting Buckcherry and Hardcore Superstar, but they're not doing any of that alone.

Partnering with fans through PledgeMusic, TLV are offering up a variety of great exclusive opportunities like a studio hang, an acoustic performance/backyard BBQ and more! For more details on specific dates and chances to win, visit TheLastVegas.com!

Remaining tour dates listed below.

 North American Tour:

Jul 18 in Chesaning, Michigan at Chesaning Showboat Music Festival w/ Theory of a Deadman
Jul 19 in Pecatonica, Illinois at Breast Fest w/ Pop Evil, NonPoint, Wayland, SOIL
Jul 20 in Kenosha, Wisconsin at Brat Stop w/ Sevendust
Aug 17 in Chicago, Illinois at Glenwood Ave. Arts Fest
Aug 24 in Hillsdale, Michigan @ Checker Records Street Dance
Aug 30 in Burnsville, Minnesota @ High Five
Aug 31 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin @ BMO Harris Pavilion w/ Halestorm

European Tour:

Nov 8 in Cologne, Germany @ Essigfabrik w/ Buckcherry
Nov 9 in Berlin, Germany @ Columbia Club w/ Buckcherry
Nov 10 in Vienna, Austria @ Szene Wien w/ Buckcherry
Nov 12 in Munich, Germany @ Backstage Halle w/ Buckcherry
Nov 13 in Zürich, Switzerland @ Plaza w/ Buckcherry
Nov 15 in Roncade TV, Italy @ New Age Club
Nov 16 in Bologna, Italy @ Estragon w/ Buckcherry
Nov 17 in Milan, Italy @ Alcatraz w/ Buckcherry
Nov 19 in Aschaffenburg, Germany @ Colo-Saal w/ Buckcherry
Nov 20 in Vauréal, France @ Le Forum w/ Buckcherry
Nov 22 in London, United Kingdom @ Koko w/ Buckcherry
Nov 23 in Coventry, United Kingdom @ Kasbah w/ Buckcherry
Nov 25 in Manchester, United Kingdom @ The Ritz w/ Buckcherry
Nov 26 in Glasgow, United Kingdom @ ABC w/ Buckcherry
Nov 27 in Belfast, United Kingdom @ The Limelight 2 w/ Buckcherry
Nov 29 in Dublin, Ireland @ Button Factory w/ Buckcherry
Nov 30 in Nottingham, United Kingdom @ Rock City w/ Buckcherry
Dec 2 in Bristol, United Kingdom @ O2 Academy Bristol w/ Buckcherry
Dec 3 in Cardiff, United Kingdom @ Solus w/ Buckcherry
Dec 4 in Exeter, United Kingdom @ Lemon Grove w/ Buckcherry
Dec 6 in Vosselaar, Belgium @ Biebob w/ Buckcherry
Dec 7 in Amsterdam, Netherlands @ Melkweg w/ Buckcherry
Dec 8 in Hamburg, Germany @ Markthalle w/ Buckcherry

Motley Crue - Too Fast For Love

Believe it or not, when considering the parody that Motley Crue has become, the actually began as a straight-up dangerous glam-metal band who seemed intent on using their decadence for their own immediate gratification rather than parlaying it into a marketable image.

That notion would come later-thanks to some money-hungry music-biz types-but Too Fast For Love remains as an untainted debut from those early fuck-all days. The lyrics are dumb, the recording sounds off, and their performances full of more attitude than talent. Which is why Motley Crue’s debut sounds wonderfully out of place even today while remaining their most essential recording in both influence and sheer consistency.

I go a bit farther and suggest that Too Fast For Love is probably the best, true glam rock album of the 80’s and perhaps just as vital as those revered Iron Maiden records that everyone points to when compiling best-of’s and critically praised. We like those-myself included-because their creators would probably hold their own with us in a battle of brains, while the boys in Crue would merely come across as barely functioning half-wits, annoying to a fault and not at all clever, at least not until you learned that they’ve nicked your wallet, your girlfriend, or both.

I love how the opener “Live Wire” begins with the sound of a hot amplifier while Mick Mars waits for the signal from the control room to begin playing. As soon as the nod is given, he looks down towards his guitar and starts a riff that is equal parts punk and metal, an impressive feet for a guy that used the Crue to reinvent himself after a decade of barely making ends meet on the bar band circuit.

The good news, is that Mars’ transformation is complete as the rest of Too Fast shows how quickly he picked up on this alien genre, a style he most undoubtedly learned from his younger bandmate, Nikki Sixx.

Credit also has to go to drummer Tommy Lee, a lanky beater who plays the kit like someone with ADHD and a bad coke habit on top of it. Cowbells, crash cymbals and double bass drums arrive in the mix without notice, like Lee is concerned that this will be his last recording session ever, so he wants to make sure that every part of his kit is heard in the final results.

While Nikki Sixx now likes to portray himself as a misunderstood writer with legitimate underground credentials, his lyrics and bass performance on Too Fast For Love barely register above an 8th grade reading level. Not that this is a bad thing, because when you combine that fact with Vince Neil’s woefully inept vocal abilities, you have a perfectly executed piece of art.

Too Fast For Love is completely devoid of the clichéd posturing of the band’s later work and is closer to the gutter than anything else they ever recorded. It’s one thing to remind people of your street cred, but Too Fast For Love is the only Crue album that sounds like a credible-and incredible-band fresh off the Sunset Strip.

Nikki Sixx Supports New Sixx:AM album with Motley Crue Tour

I haven't bagged on Motley Crue for a while, so here goes.

First of all, I noticed that Motley Crue was playing an area around these parts-the same arena they played just a few years ago when they released that piece of shit Saints Of Los Angeles album.

You remember the one. It's the album that featured those songs that served as clues to head to the bathroom to piss out all that Coors Light you chugged during "Girls Girls Girls."

I'll be that the set list is a virtual mirror of that shitass Saints tour, because the last time the Crue did a tour that featured a majority of songs from their latest album was the one with Vince Neil replacement-John Corabi-on lead vocals.

And that tour bombed.

I remember Motley Crue played in a town 45 minutes from my Iowa home that had a population of no more than 50,000 people. They played in a dirt race track and the town's low wattage rock station gave away tickets for WEEKS leading up to the event because nobody wanted to go. Even then, they only managed to fill half the house.

It became apparent for Sixx and company that they first thing his band needed to do was to fire John Corabi.

The second was to swallow his pride and hire Vince Neil's drunk ass back and create a fifteen song set that includes nothing past 1990.

After endless performances of "Dr. Feelgood," Sixx evidently got bored to the point where he started writing books that are surprisingly good.

He also started a band with DJ Ashba called Sixx A.M. and they began releasing albums that are surprisingly bad.

They evidently have a new album coming out, which is weird because I learned about the Motley Crue tour way before the new Sixx A.M. album.

Not that it makes any difference, because I have no intentions of seeing Motley Crue in that arena this summer, I have no plans of buying the new Nikki Sixx book (but I am intrigued to learn any news on Crue guitarist Mick Mars because I'm utterly convinced that the man died nearly two decades ago and they've developed an animatronic corpse of him to parade around on tour) and I sure as hell don't plan on seeking out the new Sixx A.M. record. Because the only thing weirder looking than the corpse of Mick Mars is DJ Ashba.

I suppose if they bothered to send me a copy of the new Sixx A.M. record to review, I probably would.

Instead, they merely sent me the following press release. I have no idea why they use all caps.

MAY 3RD, 2011
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Sixx: A.M.'s This Is Gonna Hurt Out Today. CD is companion soundtrack to Nikk Sixx's bestselling book.

SIXX:A.M.'s FIRST SINGLE, "LIES OF THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE"
IS TOP 5 AT ROCK RADIO

"THIS IS GONNA HURT: PHOTOGRAPHY AND LIFE THROUGH THE DISTORTED LENS OF NIKKI SIXX" (WILLIAM MORROW) JUST BOWED AT #4 ON NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLERS LIST

(New York, NY) -Rockers Sixx:A.M. have released their second album, THIS IS GONNA HURT today, Tuesday, May 3rd via Eleven Seven Music. The band (Nikki Sixx, bass, James Michael, vocals and Dj Ashba, guitar) is currently enjoying the success of the first single from the new CD, "Lies Of The Beautiful People." The track is now Top 5 at Rock radio and follows on the heels of Sixx:A.M.'s "Life Is Beautiful," which was the most played rock track of 2008.

"Writing, singing and producing THIS IS GONNA HURT has been one of the most fulfilling artistic experiences of my life. Taking elements from Nikki's book and working with both Nikki and Dj has allowed me to move beyond just the typical process of making an album. THIS IS GONNA HURT pushed every boundary and when it was all said and done, I emerged a changed person," said singer James Michael. THIS IS GONNA HURT will be available at Best Buy and wherever music is sold, as well as online.

Two-time New York Times bestselling author Nikki Sixx's latest offering and the companion piece to the new CD, "This Is Gonna Hurt: Photography And Life Through The Distorted Lens Of Nikki Sixx" (William Morrow) is the first rock self-help book and just bowed in the #4 spot on the The New York Times Best-Seller list. Written as a tribute to Sixx's institutionalized sister, the book and companion album explores what true beauty is and embraces our own power around that. Written entirely by Sixx with no ghostwriter, the book is part journal, part memoir part social commentary and features his original photography.



Sixx:A.M. is the rock band formed in 2007 by Nikki Sixx, Dj Ashba and James Michael. The last time Sixx:A.M. aligned, their first album which has sold over 300,000 copies, 2007's The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack gave birth to the single, "Life Is Beautiful," which became radio's most-played rock song of 2008. They joined the Crüe Fest tour and played for more than half a million rock fans with Michael at the mic, Ashba on guitar and Sixx on bass.

Nikki Sixx - The Heroin Diaries

So I finished Nikki Sixx’s The Heroin Diaries after looking at the book, snickering, and then looking at it again for another 10 minutes. When I got tired of looking like a cheap bastard by reading the entire thing in the store, I bought it. It has occupied the top of my toilet tank and a trip to the in-laws with positive results.
Can I recommend it? If you’re a fan of the Motley Crue biography, The Dirt, then yes. If you’re not, then I need to recommend reading The Dirt again, because it’s fucking awesome. Seriously, you can be the world’s biggest Crue hater and still enjoy the piss out of The Dirt because it’s better than anything in their catalog.
The Heroin Diaries follows a similar pattern of interviews and quotes from various band members, management, record company executives, and anyone who seemed to get in the way of Nikki Sixx’s penchant for self-medication.
It just seems so hard to believe how a guy who professes inspiration from several well-deserved sources could be the man responsible for much of what was wrong with 80’s music. The decadence sometimes overshadowed the music and Sixx even supports that claim himself. The Heroin Diaries explains how a pointless and piss poor live version of Elvis’ “Jailhouse Rock” actually made it on Girls Girls Girls: they rain out of ideas.
With such contradictory information (buying into the Motley myth while acknowledging that much of it was merely a turd of complacency) being admitted, one has to wonder if he’s throwing his brand under the bus. Does Motley Crue even have enough material to make a vital entry? Do we take it for what they appeared to be: a decent metal band from L.A. that started out with a promising debut, followed it with a more aggressive bit of imagery and then discovered a formula for funding a never-ending vacation without ever having to consider a world based in reality. Want proof? That aforementioned album of mediocrity made it to #2 on the album charts and fueled a sold-out arena tour. Could it be that a lot of what fed Sixx’s addiction was knowing that, despite the success, Motley Crue was turning into a corporate machine, the same kind of beast that Sixx rebelled against while growing up?
Probably not, as Sixx continually rails against his Mother for abandoning him throughout the book, offering a half-hearted “I’m not mad anymore” response at the end of the book while suggesting that most of his bile originated from her irresponsibility.
He also tiptoes around the idea that he may be repeating exactly the same kind of harm to his own children as his mother did to him. Of course, not of the same degree, but I find the fact that Sixx wasn’t able to develop a healthy relationship with the mother of his own children as incredibly telling.
He goes on to project an almost congenial and pedestrian attitude for his band. I can’t understand how he could see all of vocalist Vince Neil’s inadequacies under the haze of heroin, but now that he’s clean and sober, he doesn’t seem to notice that the vocalist has become even more limited in his abilities and even lazier in his performances. Is Sixx merely trying not to rock the money boat or does he even give a shit anymore?
With that being said, The Heroin Diaries mirror The Dirt is the sense that it barely talks about the Crue’s music. From that perspective, it is highly entertaining while shedding no insight on why we’re even talking about Motley Crue nearly two decades removed from their limited impact on rock music.

Motley Crue To Perform 'Dr. Feelgood' In Its Entirety During Crue Fest 2

The idea of a band performing one of their classic albums live and in its entirety is a novel one and something I enjoy immensely. I have two criteria though: if it’s a traditional album-something that’s under an hour in length-then the band better fill out the last part of their set with other songs from their repertoire. The other requirement is that the album must be certifiably worthy to be played in its entirety. This means that it should be something that universally acknowledged as a classic album, something that stands as the artist’s high-water mark or one that stands as a high-water mark for their particular genre.
More and more bands are doing these types of shows to give them an “event” type of feel. Some of the more obvious albums have been revisited: Van Morrison’s Astral Weeks, Todd Rundgren is going to do A Wizard, A True Star, and I just got word today that Steely Dan is going to do Aja, Goucho, and The Royal Scam on three consecutive nights in Chicago. All of these albums are recognized by fans and critics of their importance and all would surely excite fans interested in hearing the live interpretation.
Fans of metal and hard rock though are somewhat shortchanged by the “album performed in its entirety” phenomenon. Rush did it with 2112 and Judas Priest is planning on performing British Steel. Both are welcomed, but a few bands have decided to jump in the fun without a proper invitation and with albums that don’t immediately stand out as worthy for inclusion.
Ratt-not a band that stands out as groundbreaking or innovative-announced plans to perform Out Of The Cellar in its entirety during this summer’s Rocklohoma. I’ve got no problem with Ratt circa ’82-’90; later incarnation are pretty much a joke, but not as big a joke as Steven Pearcy’s voice deterioration. Nonetheless, if one was to ask “What’s the best album Ratt ever did?” the answer would be Out Of The Cellar and if you were to ask “Where would this album be appreciated the most?” well sir, I would submit the stage of Rocklahoma.
Personally? I wouldn’t drive too far to witness the show, but if that’s your bag, then so be it.
This brings us to a more pointed debate concerning one Motley Crue and their announcement that they will be performing Dr. Feelgood in its entirety. The Crue has managed to stay a nut hair above irrelevance even though they haven’t released anything remotely entertaining since John Corabi replaced Vince Neil and despite that their “heyday” was over twenty years ago. I’ve bashed them enough for their sins, but this is a band that just seems to aggravate me with each passing year that I cannot help but to rag on them every step of the way.
Dr. Feelgood may be the band’s highpoint in terms of commercial success, but it is by far the band’s critical apex. Maybe this is a point of argument among Crue fans, but I always felt that their true artistic merit ended after Shout At The Devil and even that is an album with plenty of flaws.
Admittedly, one doesn’t listen to Motley Crue for intellectual satisfaction or critical analysis, which is part of the reason why their decision to play Dr. Feelgood somewhat laughable.
I mean, if the band really wants to start thinking of themselves as a band that provided fans of hard rock with complete albums of artistic intent then they should have picked either Too Fast For Love or Shout At The Devil.
Everything beyond those two albums were either fodder for mainstream success or halfassed efforts that were stuffed with filler in between a few catchy tunes that could be pushed on radio.
Dr. Feelgood was rolled out as the band’s “return to form,” their moment of clarity thanks to newfound sobriety. The title and the bio sheet that came with it hinted at an almost thematic attempt-a concept album that addressed the perils of addiction and the glory of emerging from the depths of despair.
In fact, the album is essentially two songs that directly hint at addiction with a bunch of other radio-ready songs that have nothing to do with Dr. Feelgood’s supposed themes.
It bares the fingerprints of Bob Rock, a producer known for his desire for perfection and ear for melody. On both accounts, it succeeds; there’s barely a mistake on the album’s 11 tracks and it’s produced with a clear ear to mainstream approval. It contains none of the band’s notorious penchant for decadence and with the exception of a stupid track devoted to a cocksucking chick, there is hardly anything offensive at all.
It’s Slippery When Wet with umlauts.
Motley Crue is notorious for flinging shit around no one ever seems to complain of the stink. The idea that the band will perform this album in its entirety during Crue Fest 2 smells like horseshit to me. Sure, there’s the obligatory “20th anniversary” explaination, but since when is Motley Crue able to count and since when are we keeping track of when mediocre records we originally released?
Could it be that there’s enough pre-recorded material from the Feelgood sessions that this just makes the most sense to perform? We all know that Vince Neil barely sings a note on stage anymore, finding it more beneficial to charge you $50 for the luxury of seeing him while making you sing the majority of the set list for him. Maybe there’s nothing from the Too Fast For Love or Shout At The Devil sessions that they could pipe through the p.a., requiring Vince to actually having to sing.
Or maybe it’s just another one of those unexplainable things, like how this band was able to secure such longevity with such limited evidence of greatness. This is a band that’s taken fans for a ride for more years than they were actually a credible unit-and yet they’re still out there charging full price for the same 90 minute set that they were doing 20 years ago (present Feelgood set excluded…but not by much).
I have no idea why the Crue works me up to a lather. It’s probably because of the number of bands from that same era that can’t make ends meet even when they may have better material than what Motley Crue can provide while these nitwits continue to receive more compensation with no hint of gratitude and, most importantly, without the back catalog to justify it.

Motley Crue's Most UnMotley Moments

Lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of Motley Crue. There’s no explanation for it. It’s similar to the Ratt phase that I went through last summer and I’m sure there are other questionable rock acts that I’ve fixated on for far too long.
You have permission to kill me if next year I start listening to a lot of Firehouse.
But I haven’t forgotten those things about Motley Crue that bring their integrity into question. They market themselves as the bad boys of metal, and to be sure there are moments in their fabled past that would qualify them for that distinction. But for every indiscretion, there seems to be a calculated, exaggerated, or retarded moment that puts the band back at square one, leaving much to be desired in terms of their reputation.

Here’s a baker’s dozen of Motley Moments that make them the schmucks of Los Angeles:

13.) Vince Neil beating up a prostitute
For real: in 2003, Neil was charged with battery after grabbing a prostitute at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch by the throat and throwing her against the wall. Frequenting is more sad than metal while kicking the shit out of them is about as hardcore as admitting Pretty Woman is one of your favorite movies of all time. Seriously, a metal legend of Vince Neil’s stature should have no trouble finding a fatty to bang for free, particularly if we’re to believe the prowess of Neil in the pages of The Dirt.
12.) Mick Mars has an arthritic condition...just like your Grandma
It’s not Mars’ fault for having a physical ailment that essentially fuses his bones together…but it’s certainly not very metal either. Mick always seemed to be levelheaded enough to understand how fortunate he is. After all, the dude slugged it out in bands for nearly a decade before he rechristened himself with the metal moniker and teamed up with a bunch of ragtag young’ens and formed the Crue. He had the condition then and watched it worsen, addressing it only with alcohol consumption. That’s right, instead of addressing the condition, which could hinder his money ticket, he chose to self-medicate. He later let it become so bad that he looked like a frail little man that could barely move, prompting many to wonder if he had a prop holding his old ass up during the duration of the “Red White and Crue” tour.
11.) Generation Swine
Apparently, a new Crue album was ready to be delivered when someone on the payroll got tired of not making any money with replacement vocalist John Corabi at the helm. The managers put a carrot at the end of a fishing pole and got Vince Neil to meet with the rest of the band under the pretense that everyone’s egos would be checked at the door. In a display of complete contempt, they got Neil to sing the songs originally penned while Corabi was on board while catering to Elektra Record’s demands. The rock thing to do would be to say “Fuck you” to the label (hell, even the Grateful Dead did that) and carry on. But no, the lure of money was so great that the band did check their egos long enough for the check to clear. Months later, Neil punched Lee in the face (metal!) causing Lee to quit and thereby causing this first reunion attempt to implode.
10.) Tommy Lee’s ridiculous attempts at upstaging
It started with the silly things that his drum set would do during some of the band’s tours from the 80’s. At the same time, it was a drum solo…everybody except for drummers hates that…so kudos for trying to keep the audience in the seats during a concert’s obligatory beer run break. But then Lee started to get a tad more presumptuous. I’d like to say that it’s merely gotten to a point where his bass drum is now so ungodly larger that fans can barely see Lee behind it. But no: there’s more. He kicked that chick from Baywatch while she was holding their baby. Classy! He also starred in a totally retarded reality show that put Lee in a fucking marching band. A few years ago, he thought that his success in the Crue was enough to jumpstart a career in the rap-metal-cumfart outfit called Method of Mayhem…or something like that, I forget….and so did everyone else. Less than a year ago, he said that he was leaving the Crue because he liked “DJing” more. Priceless! More recently, he started painting his face during the “Carnival Of Sins” tour like he was a member of the Insane Clown Posse. The smartest thing the guy could’ve have done is realize that his wiener was bigger than most of the male population and been content with reminding us of this fact during every subsequent interview afterwards.
9.) “Brandon”
Check out this jem from poet Tommy Lee:
You bring those tears into my eyes so well
I've been waiting for this day so long
Brandon I love you
You are the one
Brandon my son
You run around
And chase the clouds
I only want you to be yourself
Forget me not
You're all I've got
As you can see
You are the One
Brandon my son
Your mother gave birth to you
With love inside
She had candlelight
And songs of life
Brandon I love you
I love her
She is your mom
True love is ours
Nobody else
I only want you to be yourself
And when I'm gone
Don't cry for me
We'll always be one
You are my son
You are the one
You are the one
The one who wrecked
Pam's vajayjay coming out
8.) Vince Neil Appears In Court Wearing A Suit
Killing the drummer from Hanoi Rocks while going on a beer run? Metal! Naming your box set Music To Crash Your Car To about the event. Metal!. Feathering your hair back and donning an ugly suit while trying to get the judge to be lenient on your drunk ass? Pussy! The proper thing to do is to stroll into court with your codpiece in tact and advise the judge that you needed to drive drunk because you were out of Lowenbrau. The maximum that Neil was set to do was about eighteen months…he served two fucking weeks. Note to upstarts: jail time makes you credible. Vince Neil skated out of minimum-security prison thanks to a big time attorney and a fucking suit. Razzle deserved better.
7.) Using Larry King Live as your venue to televise announcements
Not once, but twice. They announced their “first,” second reunion on Larry fucking King live for no good reason. King had obviously no idea who they were, continually mistaking Nikki for Mick Mars. A few years after this utterly uncomfortable event, the band’s management books them on the show again. Do they really thing the typical Crue fan kicks back and watches Larry King Live? They couldn’t find a better venue for their announcements? Oh wait…
6.) The Greta Van Susteren show
On June 23, 2008, Greta Van Susteren interviewed Motley Crue on her Fox News television show. Susteren typically does investigative pieces about notable crime cases, but during an apparent slow night, booked the Crue for a pointless interview that went nowhere and revealed nothing. One would have thought the logical thing would be to fire whoever was responsible for this fiasco on the following day, but no apparent pink slips were given to any of the band’s current management team for this potentially detrimental choice in media outlets.
5.) Lip Synching
Using taped backing vocals during your live show I’m sorry, there ain’t no way that the backing vocals to “Dr. Feelgood” or “Girls Girls Girls” are being performed live. If they are, then Tommy, Mick, and Nikki have developed a pitch-perfect vocal technique that hasn’t changed a bit since the songs were originally recorded. With Mick needed every bit of breath to stay alive, Nikki prancing around like a junkie rooster and Tommy drumming, everything sounds too perfect for these ears. Bad boys don’t lip-synch. They take pride in their shitty vocal abilities (like Keith Richards) and they sucker punch anyone who dares to make fun of it.
4.) Shitty Choices In Cover versions
Jailhouse Rock? Anarchy In the U.K.? Helter Skelter? The Crue scored a gimmie with “Smokin’ In the Boys Room,” but there’s nothing revelatory about it other than giving noobs a chance to learn the band members’ names. I hope they gave a gold record to that weird looking dude from One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest, because it’s a tepid version, salvaged only by an awesome video. Then there’s the rest of them, currently residing in the “What were they thinking?” category. Note to every band in existence: don’t choose cover material that you can’t come close to, completely rework, or totally annihilate while performing. In each of the cover versions they’ve chosen (including Cub Koda’s classic), Motley Crue merely play it by the book and sound like one of those shitty hard rock cover bands that’s in every single town across America.
3.) Vince Neil holding the microphone out to the audience on nearly every song of their live set
Seriously dude, sing the fucking song. The audience has paid a nice admission to see you perform. This kind of stage presence is tolerable to an extent…maybe during the first few lines of “Home Sweet Home” or the “Shout!” part on “Shout At The Devil.” But you seem to resort to this trick on every fucking song…even the lame ones like “Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)” and you do it during moments that don’t really need audience participation. It’s almost like you’re forgetting the fucking words and need that drunk 38 year old in row 8 to help out. Earn your money. Sing the damn song.
2.) Nikki Sixx and the paramedic story
If you’re the last person in rock that hasn’t heard it, the story goes like this. Sixx overdosed on heroin. He died. A paramedic on hand was a Motley Crue fan and, after others had written Nikki off, continued the attempts to revive him, thereby saving his life. Nikki didn’t necessarily learn his lesson and repeated using heroin, but it is this story that he continues to tell. It’s become such a common story that you wonder if he enjoyed repeating it more than than learning from it. As metal as the story may be, it loses its edge with every single telling. And why haven’t we heard from this supposed Crue-fan paramedic?
1.) Theatre Of Pain
It was the first Crue record that I noticed chicks owning. It contained the first true hit single, “Home Sweet Home,” which lasted ad-infinite on MTV’s most requested video show. For those of you too young to remember: MTV had this show strategically placed after school in which you could call in to their toll-free number and request your favorite video. Forever and a day, that video was “Home Sweet Home.” It got to the point where MTV actually changed the rules of the show a bit so that videos essentially had a “shelf-life” before they became ineligible for consideration. “Home Sweet Home” was a first for the Crue: it was a power-ballad that set its sights on Top 40 radio while Theatre Of Pain was a blatant polishing of the Crue’s rougher edge so that they could transcend the metal community in favor of mainstream success and all of those aforementioned chicks. If you’re looking for the album where Motley Crue took a turn for the worst, here it is.

These Go To Eleven

I recently did a review for a newly acquired purchase of Rhino’s Heavy Metal Box. The review is over at Glorious Noise, but I wanted to do a little companion piece here, sort of an “it’d be cool if the box set had this” list.
Without getting into the usual suspects (Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, AC/DC, etc.), I thought it would be good to throw out a couple of tracks that would have added to the set for me. Consider that these tracks are by no means scientifically considered; I don’t imagine they would have much relevance for anyone except me and my reasons for inclusion are entirely superficial.
Motley Crue “Shout At The Devil”
I didn’t even notice the Crue was missing until I got the thing and started listening to it. I kept expect to hear something, fuck, even “Home Sweet Home,” but no. There is not a goddamn Crue song to be found here and those pieces of shits should be ridiculed for not being included. I can only imagine that it has something to do with money as they obviously parlayed financial struggles into a superficial reunion tour, even though they had to prop up Mick Mars throughout the entire run.
Seriously, you can’t discuss 80’s metal, include a piece on the entire Sunset Strip scene and not have a fucking song by Motley Crue! I remember Brad Brode coming to school in ’82 and showing a bunch of people at lunch a rock magazine with an ad for Too Fast For Love. It was based on the same picture that they used for the record sleeve: the one where all the members are dressed up all leathery in front of a huge pentagram. That image alone was enough for Brad to go “I’m going to get this” and, true to his word, he did. We went over to his house after he got it and I think I may have been the only one turned off by Vince Neil’s voice and Roy Thomas Baker’s strange production values. It sounded much weaker than I expected. When you have pictures of the band posing in leather, fire and pentagrams, you logically expect them to be totally brutal and not glammy. They won me back with Shout At The Devil and I did eventually come around to Too Fast, but Shout remains the band’s pinnacle and is deserving of some inclusion on Heavy Metal Box.
Autograph-“Turn Up The Radio”
I know, I know. Its total cheese and very little meat. This hard-rock anthem was (obviously) a one-hit wonder, but it was one of those songs that, when you heard it, you knew it would be huge. I went to a kegger once during high school out at this place called the sand pits just south of town next to the Des Moines river. It was like that kegger scene in Dazed & Confused except Autograph’s “Turn Up The Radio” was playing as I walked up to the party. Regardless of how stupid this song is, you’ve got to admit, that’s a near-perfect celluloid moment.
Helix-“Rock You”
See “Turn Up The Radio.” Another kegger, another anthem. This time it was indoors and someone had the good sense to throw in a Helix cassette. Perhaps a little more rockin’ than Autograph, but just as stupid. With it’s moronic chant of “Gimmie an R-O-C-K! Whacha got? (Rock!) And Whatach gonna do? (Rock You!),” and a name that’s equally stupid (Helix? Like a three-dimensional twist or a DNA helix?), you get exactly what you’d expect with a song called “Rock You.” I vaguely remember the video for this and, if I recall correctly, the lead singer had a tooth missing.
Def Leppard-“No No No”
I’d even take “Let It Go,” “High ‘n’ Dry,” “Lady Strange”…but “No No No” reminds me of yet another party (see a pattern?). This one was Bobby H.’s, a next-door neighbor that loved Kiss and other things metal. His parents were out of town and his older sister “supervised” a makeshift drinking party. For one partygoer, I’ll never forget this, the sound of Def Leppard’s High ‘n’ Dry album was enough to get him to sit on the couch in his denim jacket and bang his head in time to the music. Bobby was playing the record version, and at the end of “No No No,” there was a lock-groove where Joe Elliot’s yell of “No!” is repeated over and over, without stopping. This didn’t stop our drunken metalhead from trying to match him, stopping only when someone removed the needle and replaced the record. I think they replaced it with Kiss’ Lick It Up and I left the party as a result.
Kix-“Midnite Dynamite”
If you’re going to include fucking Poison in the Heavy Metal Box then for fuckssake, you’ve got to include Kix. Those guys completely lifted Kix’s stage show, which sucks because Poison couldn’t hold a candle to Kix musically and the only thing that brought Brett Michaels more notoriety than Kix vocalist Steve Whiteman is that he was cuter. So while Poison moved to L.A. to get closer to the major label’s tit, Kix continued to tour up and down the East Coast, endlessly and thanklessly paying their dues with little national recognition. A few of us did notice, particularly after one of the music channels played a Kix club performance during their support of Cool Kids. That album doesn’t rock as hard as Midnite Dynamite, which should’ve sold more copies than Look What The Cat Dragged In.
Any one of those songs would’ve appeased me more than, say, Manowar which is blessed with a spot on Heavy Metal Box with a song that contains the line “May your sword stay wet/Like a young girl in her prime.” Horrific. And metal shouldn’t be horrific. Stupid? Sometimes, but never to the point where the band is trying to convey some kind of Medieval imagery and is forced to include a line like that.

To The Paramedic Who Saved Nikki Sixx

AC/DC released the DVD “Family Jewels” this past week; a collection of rare television footage, promotional clips, and shitty 80’s videos. Yes it’s true: you can now own the entire “Fly On The Wall” video again in a handy digital format. The good news is that the discs are broken up into two sections, one for Bon Scott and the other for Brian “There’s a bowling pin in my anus” Johnson. By the end of disc two, you’re ready to knock that silly hat off of Brian’s head and scream “What the fuck is with all that shit after “Flick Of The Switch?” Or if you’re like my S.L.F., you’re going “Oi! Oi! Oi!” (like in “T.N.T.”) by the time they hit the “Highway To Hell” clips. Yes it’s true; I had to explain why it’s cool that every single AC/DC song sounds the same. And again, don’t get me started on “Mr. Metronome” Phil Rudd…

I would be remiss in mentioning that I broke down and bought Motley Crue's “Shout At The Devil” last week and will again declare that it’s a good album, but it definitely is not the “classic” album that those money fuckers want you to believe. I had forgotten how utterly bad some of those songs were (pointless version of “Helter Skelter,” album fillers “God Bless The Children Of The Beast” and “In The Beginning”) and how retarded Nikki Sixx could be as a lyricist. Let’s take a closer look at the song “Bastard.”
At first, you’d think the song is about a dude that pisses off Nikki so much that he declares “consider that bastard dead!” What’s confusing is the line that follows:
“Get on your knees
Please beg me, please
You’re the king of the sleaze
Don’t you try to rape me”
So is Nikki afraid the dude is going to fuck him and, in order to save his masculinity, has to kill him? It’s shit like this that prevents “Shout At The Devil” from being anywhere near a landmark release.
To top this shit off, there’s a recent interview with Mick Mars who basically admits he thought the whole make-up and metal thing was retarded but that, essentially, he was getting old and wanted to be famous. I guess his shitty bar band from the 70’s wasn’t paying the bills for Mick, his wife and children, so he took the Crue route. Trust me when I say “shitty bar band;” I’ve heard songs from his old band and I can say “shitty” with conviction. I guess Mick really wanted to be a blues guys, yet even after making some jack with Vince, Neil, and Tommy, still has yet to produce anything that refers to his love of the genre. It’s what they call “selling out” and it’s something that these fuckers have known about all along.
I will be fair in saying “Shout At The Devil,” “Danger,” “Looks That Kill” and “Knock ‘Em Dead Kid” all rock nicely, but I’m having a hard time with the entire “It’s a big deal that we’ve reunited for the fans” bullshit that Sixx seems to be pumping out with as much fervor as his “I almost died from an overdose!” sound bite.
Shout at the devil…and ask for a higher guarantee on tour.

Too Fast For Larry King Live

The question that appears to be on everyone's mind is "I wonder how the new job is going with Todd?" Well, in a nutshell, the job allows me to drive to a place to do absolutely nothing and get paid for it. I wanted something with low stress, but this is utterly retarded. And it seems that those involved or somewhat responsible for this new career of nothingness, are nothing but apologetic. They then offer me a Wiggles guitar for Christmas.
Which reminds me of past jobs that paid shit but provided me with ample amounts of entertainment. Gone are the days in which I can suggest to a co-worker to urinate in the boss' office and actually witness him doing it. People then ask "Didn't that stink up the place?" but then these people don't know anything about the river cities music leader. This was a place that allowed a cat to drag in the half-eaten carcass of a bunny rabbit, smearing the blood and entrails of the rodent throughout the break area. There were so many health violations present that a little human pee might have actually cleaned the place up somewhat.
Which brings me to Mick Mars and the recent news of a full-fledged Motley Crue reunion. To me, the only thing more exciting than a Motley Crue reunion are actually photos of Mick Mars just weeks after hip replacement surgery. Like I give a shit about a last cash-in attempt by a slightly higher than mediocre Sunset Strip band. They did one halfway decent album overproduced/remixed by the former producer of The Cars ("Too Fast For Love") and one relatively enjoyable album that seemed quite awesome after five beers and several bong hits ("Shout At The Devil"). Then the girls started buying their albums. Then Motley Crue became irrelevant in my world.
Which reminds me that I wanted to mention how absolutely dead Mick Mars looks now. The fucker was old before, but now he looks older than even my Dad and probably walks slower than my Grandfather. It appears that the reason why Motley Crue broke up to begin with was because Mick died. Since there have been remarkable achievements in the world of science, doctors have suddenly been able to resurrect Mick Mars from the dead and the only way to pay for these doctors is to force The Crue to reunite and tour once more.

Which reminds me that Motley Crue was on Larry King tonight. Let me repeat: Motley Crue was on Larry King tonight. Is there not enough news in the world that Larry Fucking King has to report on yet another Motley Crue reunion?! And in case your wondering, Mick Mars looked like he was going to pass out in pain throughout the entire interview, which mainly consisted of Larry getting Mick Mars mixed up with Nikki Sixx.
Which reminds me that today's kids have no fucking idea who Motley Crue is. Instead, they know them as "The band with that big dick drummer."
Which reminds me that I've spent way too much time dwelling on Motley Crue for one night.