Monday, February 4, 2008

It's Just The Normal Noises In Here...

When I think of halftime shows, I think of Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers.
Seriously: what the fuck?
In all fairness, Prince doesn’t necessarily conjure up violent contact sports either. At least he has that one-name superstar poise about him that says “I can rock a fucking stadium if need be.”
Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers conjure up 5,000 seat arenas with little or no light show and pot smoke replacing the fog machines.
So forgive me if I felt a little under whelmed at this year’s halftime show selection. It’s not that I don’t like ‘em; they’re an American institution and I would consider myself a fan of their music. In addition, it’s not as if this was the worst selection either. Cracked did a rundown of the worst halftime shows ever and this year wouldn’t even rate on the list.
It’s merely a safe bet that’s sure to please that lucrative television market (read: adults with spending power) so that they’ll stay tuned and consider an ice cold SoBe the next time they head to the store. And it’s especially safe after such an awesome show last year.
The stage set up was pretty cool, even though I don’t remember T.P. using that particular logo after the debut, and I associate them with Rickenbackers instead of Flying V’s, but whatever, it looked good.
The song selection was as predictable as you could imagine with even a solo Petty track (“Free Fallin”) making the set, which would only bother a nitpicker like me, I suppose.
But then there’s the whole “Is that really The Heartbreakers” conspiracy theory that I was tossing around. Mike Campbell looked like Adam Duritz, Stan Lynch looked like a middle age black dude, Howie Epstein looked like Ron Blair, and Benmont Tench looked like Benmont Tench.
There was some other dude on stage sporting a guitar, but he may have been a roadie.
Speaking of, Petty still looks like roadie for the Allman Brothers, only better dressed.
Again, there was nothing wrong with the performance and those on the field looked like they were entertained. I’m sure there were many people watching that also felt satisfied with another rendition of the shit they hear on classic rock stations every fucking day of the week.
For me, it was as exciting as one of those TV timeouts.

As far as the ads were concerned:

I will never buy an Under Armor product because their ad on the Super Bowl was retarded. Congratulations, focus group.

Special consideration goes to I have no idea what you’re selling (Titties? Pussy?) but I’m pretty sure that I don’t need that because I’ve got that at home. Good work, retards.

Note to Anheuser-Busch: what the fuck happened to the Bud Bowl? It was so gloriously stupid that I now miss it. Surely it would have been cheaper to make than the stupid Clydesdale “Rocky” ad.

And the new Will Farrell movies looks about as good as Blades Of Glory which means that I’ll wait to rent it or until it comes on HBO in a few years. Nothing personal, I still think you’re funny and even Bill Murray coasted for a few years. Hell, Dan Ackroyd made a fucking career out of it.


Jason said...

I haven't seen the Cracked list you wrote about, but can I assume that Bob Costas Presents: Elvis Presto in 3D! is somewhere near the top?

I must admit I didn't see Petty's set. I can only stand to listen to Jack Buck in small doses and that commercial that featured the return of Chris Kattan really put me off the ads (although Iron Man looks pretty sweet).

I actually flipped over to Animal Planet to catch the All-Kitty Halftime show, which didn't run during the Superbowl halftime. My disappointment was only compounded later, when Jackson was voted Most Valuable Puppy. Abigail was robbed!

Todd Totale said...

I'll get a link up to that list when I get some time today. It's a pretty good list.
If they could only combine the kitty bowl with the Bud bowl...That would be television GOLD!

Cousin J said...

I hwill nitpick because I thought that te halftime show was lame mostly because they played 4 songs and 3 of them were Petty solo tracks. Free Fallin, I Won't Back Down, and Runnin Down A Dream are all solo tracks. American Girl was fine and I sort of expected it but there are plenty of othe popular Heartbreaker songs that could've been played in place of the solo stuff that would have been safe for the network as well as crowd pleasing...The Waiting, Breakdown, refugee, I Need to Know, Learning to Fly. Hell, I'd rather have heard Jammin Me than any of that solo shit. I'm calling bullshit on the halftime show. By the way, I'm pretty sure Howie Epstein died (too much dope) and that was Ron Blair.

Todd Totale said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Todd Totale said...

That was a joke about Howie. I was trying to be funny, because we all know that jokes about dead junkies are a riot.
Totally agree about the set. And that "Jamming Me" is a pretty good track, if only for the line "Take back Joe Piscapo!" America, it seems, listened to Tom.
BTW: I dumped a bunch of shredded cheese on my tortilla chips, put that shit in the oven, and then threw some jalapenos on the results while removing Calli from the intriguing lazy susan and yelling at Ethan "What happened" when I heard the crowd roar. He muttered something about the "10 guy," which meant nothing to me. Anyway, that was my spread, you fuckhole.

DJMurphy said...

I can only imagine what was said for the "comment deleted" person to earn the sobriquet "fuckhole" from you, Todd. You're usually such a gentle blogger (koff koff), and I sure do love some good "Net rhubarb!!!!

And junkies can make for good humor; Woody Allen himself told the story that he bought a set of flatware for a couple of junkies he knew that were getting married. The set just happened to be all spoons!!!

Todd Totale said...

Nah. I just made an embarassing spelling error and deleted it. The "fuck hole" comment was directed at the individual, who will remain nameless, that sent me a picture message of the glorious Super Bowl spread his wife made for him. To be fair, my better half did bring home Buffalo Wild Wings, although it wasn't what she ordered (wings, der) and it wasn't anything that looked appealing.

Anonymous said...

Oh hey =) Stan Lynch left the band, and the drummer is a Middle Aged black dude now. Steve Ferrone...Scott Thurston was the extra dude toting the guitar. They played three solo Petty songs, Runnin' Down A Dream, I Won't Back Down, and Free Fallin', the only one that wasn't solo was American Girl.