Fonzie Fever

Today in 1976, "Fonz Song" by Heyettes hit #91 on the Billboard single charts. For those of you not familiar with this novelty tune, allow me to explain a little more about it, as the low chart position doesn't adequately demonstrate how the United States of America was completely overtaken by Fonzie Fever back in '76.
It's true: the television show Happy Days was by far the biggest television show for anyone under the age of 18 back in '76, with the possible exception of Welcome Back, Kotter (more on that later).
Happy Days was so big that American youth were pummeled with merchandising options, specifically with items that featured anything with Happy Days' main character: Arthur Fonzarelli. There was the obligatory lunch box, action figures, and t-shirts (more on that later too), but one of my favorites was an album called Fonzie Favorites.
Fonzie Favorites contained the theme song to Happy Days (including the original theme song, "Rock Around The Clock" by Bill Haley & The Comets), several other hits from the 50's, and a few original tracks involving The Fonz himself.
Well, not really.
On the back cover for Fonzie Favorites contained the disclaimer "the last selection on this album is an 'impressionist track' containing the expressions Aaaaay, Cool, Nerd, Sit On It." That's right: the final track on the album is some guy who sounded nothing like Henry Winkler reciting some of Happy Days' most famous catch phrases.
But it gets better.
On "The Fonz Song" (yes, the one that hit #91), a trio of girls sang a song praising The Fonz ("Who's cool/Not a nerd/Quit school/Without a word") over a generic 50's sounding arrangement while the same dude who sounds nothing like the Fonz chiming in during the chorus with the occasional "Sure!" "Forever!" and "Aaaaay!"
Part of the reason why such a piece of shit song managed to hit #91 is because it was available at nearly every place that sold records back in 1976. Seriously, I bought my copy at an electronics store while visiting my cousin's house in a small town in Illinois. Even after the first spin, I knew that I had been duped.
The album also had another unusual original song: "The Fonzarelli Slide." In it, members of Laverne & Shirley and, get this, the characters from Welcome Back, Kotter interact with Fonzie. Never mind that these fictional characters resided two decades apart from each other and in two completely different cities (New York City and Milwaukee), it's even more embarrassing to hear people who sound nothing like the actual television characters trying to interpret a storyline that 1.) brings them together and 2.) makes sure to use to all of the catch phrases possible.
Obviously, Fonzie Favorites was created without any consent from the television show itself and it'd doubtful that the Fonz, Ritchie, or even Potsie saw a dime from the sale of these records. Their licensing deals probably came through more legitimate means like t-shirts, lunchboxes, whatever. After all, who had the foresight to think that characters from Happy Days would necessitate a record deal.
But back in 1976, the kids needed everything Happy Days-related. Hell, one of the most dramatic moments in my youth was the day my third grade teacher, Mrs. Inskeep, got pissed at me and grabbed me by the shirt and shook me until it ripped. The shirt in question had a bitchin' picture of The Fonz on it, a gift my parents got for me during a trip to Florida. Interestingly enough, Mrs Inskeep tried to get me to sew the damaged shirt and later lied to my parents when they questioned why their son returned from school with a completely ruined t-shirt. While I told them what had happened, she claimed that it was torn during some intense recess gameplay.
How I wished that Fonzie was there in person to protect me, just like he did when that gang went after Ritchie.
The shirt was never replaced, and Fonzie Favorites also met an early demise thanks to the same carelessness that manages to destroy virtually everything that a ten year old kid touches. But even though the physical evidence is gone, there are those mental reminders of when Happy Days ruled and how much of a cultural icon The Fonz was before he, literally and figuratively, jumped the shark.