Mouth Bleeding...Pants Unbuttoned

Here's a letter I wrote at work today.

The incident and the people involved are totally fictional.

I'm not easily riled at work, but sometimes people deserve a little bit of insanity for the way they treat other people who are trying to help them.

And then there are people who show up in the news for something stupid they did while drunk.

For that, I'm happy to share the incident with their parents in the form of a letter.

It's worth the 44 cents.

George XXXX
XXX N. Governor St
Iowa City, IA 52245

James A XXXXX
XXXXX Mayher Dr.
Orland Park, IL 60467

Mr. XXXXX:

Last week,your son James kept hitting me about the face, intensely intoxicated, and would not provide me with any reason of why he was using violence against me. He would swear at me right before using a closed fist to strike me. Two teeth came out after it was all over; my dentist will replace them with artificial ones, but I would just like to know why he beat me.

I’ve never met your son before. Why does he hate me so? Why did he hit me? What have I ever done to him?

I couldn’t leave my home for three days. I was an emotional wreck. The headaches passed after the fourth day, but the mental trauma is too deep to leave me. I keep thinking he’s watching out for me behind the tree, ready to pounce.

For a moment as he was hitting me, I could see in his eyes that he would have continued to punish me had he not gotten up and ran back into a local tavern. I gathered my things that I dropped after the first punch knocked me down and went home. I put my broken teeth in my pocket in case the dentist needed them.

Please, make him come home so that I can walk the streets of my town without fear of his vicious retribution against me. I don’t even know him, but I’m sure he will strike again, lashing out at me for God knows what. I’m dreadfully frightened and I’m sure my next beating will be more severe.

I just don’t understand why this young man has chosen me as his victim.

I pray that he will stop punching me. I fear my heart will stop after his next attack.

Any help you can provide would be appreciated.

Sincerely,

George XXXX