Couch Slouch: How I Can't Muster The Energy To See D.R.I. On A Weeknight

I’m totally bummed.

And it’s because I’m old.

When you’re old, you’re subjected to fatigue. When you’re old and have kids, you’re subject to immediate heart failure after too little sleep.

Which is what I’m faced against when there’s a band in the state that chooses to book their shows at 9:00pm on a weeknight, which is exactly what D.R.I. are doing Monday night in Des Moines.

The fact is, Dirty Rotten Imbeciles are on the short list of bands who invented thrash. Sure, they started out kind of squirrely-the novelty of a band releasing an album with not one, but over two dozen songs on it, most of which are a minute or under.

By record number two, the band cradled the delicate balance of metal and hardcore. Even with content that barely stretched beyond twelfth grade angst and a singer with a vocal range a few pegs below even the most limited metal singer, Dirty Rotten Imbeciles were a band that happened to be groundbreaking by dumb luck.

This wasn’t in their equation; they probably flunked math anyway. They played by a code of loud fast rules, perhaps at the behest of a father who always pulled on their rehearsals anyway.

“Dad usually starts getting pissed twenty minutes in, so let’s see if we can cramp our entire song list in that amount of time.”

They were pushing past twenty before they got tight with those breakneck rhythms, but thank God someone had the brains to hit the record button at one final take of sheer juvenilia. It was when D.R.I. began to try to sound their age when things went south. That was also around the time when they started to recognize their part in the evolution of thrash metal, identifying their acknowledgement with titles like Thrash Zone and the call-it-like-it-is Crossover.

But goddamn, the debut was as challenging as it was gimmicky and Dealing With It was/is just flat-out awesome. I still throw out fists in the car or at home whenever I hear “There’s nothing to fight-fuck-ing-for!!”

A friend of mine brought home the debut from the East coast and we admired the band’s punctuality. The cover was a sloppy black and white effort that looked like it wasn’t made at Kinko’s. It looked like it was cobbled together at the public library.

Another friend in college had Dealing With It. That cover looked like it was a cartoon that one of their stoner buddies drew out at some art class at the alternative school. But inside it was wonderful. I could have used that album as a senior in high school.

I copied the entire record for that one.

There’s an opportunity on Monday to see Dirty Rotten Imbeciles at Vaudeville Mews in Des Moines. That’s a downfall of living in Iowa: you’re often stuck with shows that are merely drive-bys to Chicago, Minneapolis, or-believe it or not-Omaha, Nebraska. They get the weekend scene-makers while we get the gas money gigs that fund the drive.

I’ve made that late night drive to a weeknight gig too many times to mention. It was a pain at 25 and it’s a killer at over 40. You’re wiped for at least two days and if you have kids, you really don’t get a recovery time anyway.

So if you’re close to Des Moines and stay up for Jimmy Fallon, shut off the television and head down to Vaudeville Mews to see D.R.I. If you’re one of those more fortunate souls that have them in town for a more reasonable day of the week, they should definitely be part of your agenda.

Just remind them, for old farts like me, of their own age and don’t have the stamina to attend late night rock shows that make us deaf and cranky at work the next day. We’ve become the “Mad Man.” When we come home, we want to relax, Goddamnit!

Don’t you dummies ever learn?

And be sure to tell them that Dealing With It still rules. That’s what makes missing Monday night’s show such a bummer.



UPDATED & CORRECTED: The show is a 5:00 pm, which is very reasonable and appreciative. Will I be going? Unfortunately, my wife is working late that evening, otherwise I would have definitely made the trip.