For A Smile, They Can Share The Night

I’m watching my wife right now.

She’s home from work, still in her work clothes, and she is glued to the TV.

A smile creeps on her face when one of the cast members breaks out in song.

Yes, my wife is watching the season opener of Glee.

Personally, I’ve never seen it. I mean, I’ve seen Glee, just not an entire episode of it. I think it’s a situation of watching the pilot with my wife-thinking that it was a show about a glee club with the vocal performances saved for the actual moments that they were required to sing-only to realize that it was Hull High all over again.

The moment they broke out in song like life itself was one big musical was the moment when I felt too uncomfortable in trying to handle the show’s alternate universe. From that point forward, I could no longer believe that the cast members were supposed to be taken seriously as teenagers.

And that kid in the wheelchair? I’ve seen a lot of spinals, dude. And that guy’s a fake.

My job during Glee is to keep the kids out of mommy’s hair, which is an impossible task as it usually escalates into a few yells of “Be quiet!” and “Shut up, please!” and “Shhhh!”

I don’t get it. The acting is limited, the songs woefully bland and the plot extremely contrived.

But my wife loves it, to the point where she bought the first season on DVD and once called in sick to work and watched the entire season in one setting.

I tried to sit down tonight, but I could only make it to the freaking looking football coach who looks like a dude dressed like a woman.

“Why is the football coach dressed like a lady?” I asked.

“She’s a woman.” corrected my wife.

“That’s a real woman? On the show?” I asked perplexed.

“No, that’s a woman.” She repeated, growing frustrated with my constant interruptions.

“Why would they hire a woman and the head football coach?” I pondered, remembering the days when the football coach would occasionally wander into the locker room during shower time.

“Shhh!!” answered my wife.

That football coach is indeed a woman as I later learned, a former high school athletic standout that’s made a career out of playing gender-neutral women who could easily double as outside linebackers.

But even her freakish appearance couldn’t stop me from going upstairs to get away from the rest of the episode. While the show and its fans “don’t stop believin’,” I “can’t fight this feeling” and will use these moments of my wife’s hour-long domination over the TV as ammunition for future reruns of Star Trek: The Next Generation.