Kiss - Carnival Of Souls: The Final Sessions

The Kiss challenge continues (to review every Kiss album ever recorded to find out what was such the big fucking deal) and for whatever reason, I’ve chosen to focus on the most notoriously awful Kiss albums to begin with first. It’s true: to make lemon-aid you have to go through a few lemons and to review all the Kiss albums, you have to stick your hands in the toilet, pull the corn out of your own feces and eat the kernels once again.
Next up, Carnival Of Souls: The Final Sessions, and album that I was drawn to because it has the word “Final” in the title. I forgot that the title essentially meant, “Hey guitarist Bruce Kulick and drummer Eric Singer! Gene and I are going to pretend to make an album with you while we secretly secure a reunion deal with Ace Frehley and Peter Criss, at which point we’ll fire your ass and shelve this record indefinitely. Thanks for playing! You’re welcome!”
Did anyone notice the funny I just made? There’s no way that Paul Stanley or Gene Simmons would shelve anything. That was just a joke because the moment that Kiss fans, the kind that would collect the band member’s semen if they could find vials of it, began finding copies of the Kulick/Singer sessions in a bootleg form, they immediately secured a legitimate release for it. If there is money to be made, Simmons and Stanley are there to make sure their wallets are lined.
Since Gene and Paul were focused on bigger moneymaking opportunities, this is a Bruce Kulick album. Oh sure, “Simmons” and “Stanley” appear on every songwriting credit, but again it’s only because a motherfuckers gotta get paid.
Like Revenge, the studio album that precedes Carnival, Kiss is in a very contemporary mood. And “contemporary” circa the mid-90’s meant the band needed to ape a lot of the same themes and arrangements of the grunge movement. This isn’t to suggest that Carnival Of Souls is a “grunge” album…No, to dirty up the mix would be beneath the band who, despite the facial hair and faded denim found on the cover, would like nothing more than to be recognized as the hottest band in the land. And the hottest band in the land is brought to you by Ibanez guitars, Randall amplification, Pearl drums, and Meco. The idea to “hit tape and roll” is beyond them, so Carnival Of Souls is well produced, meticulously arranged and woefully dated.
Lyrically, the band takes themselves so seriously that they forget things like hooks, passion and melody. The only members that seem remotely involved are the ones who are, ironically, just about to be sacked.
Perhaps that should have been a clue for those two poor saps: the moment that Gene and Paul start allowing you some independence is the moment you should start fearing for your job.
It doesn’t start as a bad album. At the same time, it also doesn’t start out as a very memorable one either. It is so unlike Kiss that it could have been created by any number of now forgotten bands currently holding court in the cd section of your local pawnshop. It’s clear that they (Paul?) has a hard-on for Alice In Chains. There are several songs that attempt at replicating AIC’s minor-key harmonies, which is funny as Kiss (Paul?) has also had a hard-on for pop radio. Like Revenge before it, Carnival Of Souls is a rock album, which means that it was destined for sales as shitty as The Elder…the last Kiss project that was geared as a full-length concept. Revenge was a hit because the new direction was a novelty, and now that the novelty of Kiss-via-Seattle had run its course, we’re left with nothing but the actual songs to save it. And when there’s no radio hits to be found, it’s time to circle the wagons, fire the help, and switch to plan B.
Plan B was the retardedly successful full make-up reunion, which ultimately saved the band from any humiliation. They could always treat this album as “the one that was never finished” even though it’s obvious that everything included is a final mix and ready for delivery.
While Revenge sounded like Kiss was actually having some fun exploring a new heavier direction, Carnival Of Souls sounds like they’re confused with the musical backdrop. Ironically, it’s Gene…the supposed ‘God Of Thunder’ that sounds the most out of place. His lyrics are devoid of any bravado or humor. Instead, they’re bored, forced, and just plain stupid. Take “In My Head,” one of those aforementioned Alice In Chain rip-off, where Gene comes up with the following character study: “I’m obnoxious/And no one’s home/ In my head/In my head/Cardboard boxes filled with hate/In my head/In my head/Messed up termites/glowing red/In my head/They’re in my head!”
He does rebound a bit with “I Confess,” another AIC-retread about addiction, and whenever you’re getting heavy like that, it’s time to include a few strings.
Paul only shows up for about five of Carnival’s twelve tracks which is unusual for such an egomaniac like him. One of them, “I Will Be There,” is the album’s only real ballad and it’s one of Stanley’s best-unknown songs to date. The other four contributions from Paul, however, may very well be some of his worst. He sounds remarkably disengaged and unmotivated by the band’s heavier direction. This may have been the most dismal Kiss era for him as it didn’t allow him the opportunity to parade around like a rock star, a role he enjoys playing very much.
Carnival Of Souls is far from a bad album, it’s just a very bad Kiss album. With one of the founding members seemingly out to lunch and the other one seemingly going through a creative mid-life crisis, that left the creative direction down to two other hired-gun members who were about to learn one of Kiss’ most cardinal rules: it’s not personal, it’s business.