Satellites Gone...Way Up To Mars

You wanna know why radio sucks? Well, there’s a long list of reasons to it and a notable history of general shit-slinging, but one has to point to the 1996 Telecommunications Act as the ground zero of suckiness.
It paved the way for the wonderful Clear Channel absorption of nearly every radio station on your car radio. This meant that, no matter where you called home, you could hear 103.5 “The Beaver” is all its glory, occasionally with the same canned shtick-kickers reading from the same AP entertainment wire copy. The idea was consistency, I guess, placing you local radio station along the same lines as a McDonalds. You knew that your Filet O Fish would taste the same no matter where you ordered it, and you knew that “The Beaver” was about ready to kick off another 30 minute rock block with the latest from Creed.
It was wonderfully American.
It was also woefully bland: listeners with more and more options at their disposal fled in droves and many like me found some solace in satellite radio. I logged a lot of windshield time and treated myself to one of the two providers available. I based my decision to go with XM on three things: It was commercial free. It (supposedly) sounded better, and it (supposedly) had a better range. Almost immediately I was hooked and singing its praises.
After a few years, however, I had a tough time justifying the expense (which I learned was automatically deducted from my credit card with barely a courtesy card. I noticed that some of the disc jockeys that I rather enjoyed were now absent, and the playlist of the “alternative” station became a bit tame. I heard plenty of shit by, say, The Walkmen or New Pornographers but very little in terms of cutting edge bands. I went over to the 80’s alternative channel until I recognized the limits of their playlist (maybe about 1,000 songs strong). I then went over to the metal channel, became disoriented in how everything sounded the same and locked in the classic metal channel for a while.
I found a way to work around the Sirius log in feature while at work (meaning: I got a hold of somebody’s password) and enjoyed some of their channels. I specifically remember one of my favorite channels, Underground Garage, used to play “Dead Man’s Curve” a little too frequently for my tastes. But the first time I heard it, stoned and a little drunk in a friend’s car equipped with Sirius, that Jan & Dead tune was awesome.
Ain’t that the truth with the first time you hear a song. I mean, you can’t top the first time you hear “Stairway” or “Smoke On The Water.”
But no, radio had to fuck that shit up. It didn’t seem to get that there were other tracks on IV or Machine Head that were just as awesome. They’d tell you some bullshit that the tracks they played had been “researched.” That’s pretty amazing considering most radio dudes I know don’t have a statistical degree but they totally understand that they can’t eloquently explain why they’re playing songs that a few people may not be able to identify.
The FCC, seemingly retarded and not realizing that the Clear Channel fiasco of government-aided homogenization, approved the merger of Sirius and XM radio as both companies faced mounting debt and lurking bond notes. In other words, the FCC completely reneged on their original decision to ensure there wouldn’t be a satellite radio monopoly and approved a satellite radio monopoly.
How this will ultimately impact subscribers is yet to be seen, but one has to consider what good came from any monopoly of service and why does the government now seem so keen on allowing satellite radio to become one?
It seems obvious that we’re set for another round of generalized homogenization, appealing to the largest audience possible and providing Sirius XM with an unfair advantage over like-minded broadcasters.
I’d be outraged if I gave a shit, but thanks to another FCC ruling from several years ago, I rarely listen to radio anyway.