Van Halen "Reunited"

Finally, it seems that Eddie Van Halen has finally figured out that a 40 date tour with David Lee Roth is worth more (read: $$$) than the animosity that has plagued their relationship for 23 years. Let me state for the record that I though Roth’s ego was indeed out of control a few decades ago and that any notion of a “Crazy From The Heat” movie, a lucrative solo career, and that he would be able to maintain the notoriety that he achieved with the Van Halen brothers was completely laughable. Indeed, as history has proven, David Lee Roth’s post-V.H. activity has been just that: laughable.
Sure, he got to front a shit-hot band for a few solo albums, but “shit-hot” usually means “a few egos” itself, and they bolted just in time to watch Roth’s career nosedive to the point where radio dj and paramedic actually became part of Diamond Dave’s resume.
“Shit-hot” could also describe the three remaining V.H. members…Ok, maybe two of ‘em, since it’s well documented that bassist Michael Anthony walked away with the “luckiest son-of-a-bitch in show business” title around the time of Women And Children First (more on this later)…But nonetheless, there’s a ton of ego to contend with Eddie himself, as the past decade has proven.
You know, I thought it was fine initially when Sammy joined Van Halen. Whatever. Dave was a jerk. Why should the rest of the fellas struggle to fit in the same limousine as Roth’s head? I knew the songwriting would take a step back with Sammy, and it did. By the time of For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, it started to be a little sad that they still thought album titles like that were funny and that the forty-something Hagar was writing songs with lyrics like “the wetter the better.”
So spirits were high when Hagar left (or fired, depending on who you talk to) and the rumors started that Diamond Dave would be returning to the fold. Those hopes were crushed when Dave acted up on the 1996 MTV Video Music Awards, an act that pissed off Eddie and ended any plans of a reunion.
So fast forward eleven years and the announcement that Dave is back with Van Halen. Michael Anthony’s luck has apparently run out, which makes the reunion somewhat bittersweet. Understand that, for all the simplicity that his bass contributions were, there was something inherently vital to his backing vocals. Anthony’s tenor was absolutely essential to the V.H. sound and to find excuses not to include him merely point to the notion that maybe Eddie’s ego has managed to expand to greater proportions than Roth circa ’85.
Never mind the zany behavior that Eddie has displayed during the past ten years:

• Arriving late and appearing drunk at the 2003 NAMM show, thereby jeopardizing his relationship with Peavey.


• Offering Anthony a reduced salary for the 2004 Hagar “reunion” tour, essentially demoting the bassist to that of a hired gun.


• Staggering on stage during a performance at the United Center where he managed to trip over the guitar cable 18 times.


• Laying down on stage at the same performance during the “Eruption” guitar solo, explaining to the audience in a drunken slur that he “done run outta gas.”


• Divorcing Valerie Bertinelli in 2005.


• Hiring Gary Cherone as the lead singer of Van Halen circa ’97-’99.


• Announcing on Howard Stern that he cured cancer through illegal means.

Personal and wacky issues aside, I should be pretty stoked that Diamond Dave, one of rock and roll’s greatest frontman, is back in his rightful place at the helm of Van Halen. But due to the absence of Anthony, it’s a silly notion that I would want to pay top dollar to see 3/4ths of the original line up with his 15 year old playing bass, and the obvious fact that America’s premier party band is much, much older now, I’m having serious reservations.
Rewind back eleven years: a no brainer; I’ve got no issue with people in their mid-40’s reliving their glory days but by the mid-50’s, its like that Uncle who always has too much to drink at Thanksgiving dinner and talks endlessly about the ass of the blonde Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. Would I feel comfortable with Dave, now at age 54, singing “Beautiful Girls” let alone high-kicking his way around the stage? Can he even high-kick at his age anymore?
In short: do I risk spending over a hundred dollars only to be sorely disappointed that I had spent that much on a bunch of old dudes embarrassingly cashing in at one final attempt at filling in the large arenas?
I dunno.
There’s that obligatory feel of nostalgia that says “Absolutely!” because, and I’m not alone here, Van Halen was a vital part of my pre-teen and teenage years. They were the epitome of the Saturday night band, one where you didn’t have to think very hard about the subject matter of the lyrics as you were thinking hard about how Eddie managed to achieve such amazing solos on his “Frankencaster.”
Just how good were they? Realistically, there’s a ton of laziness in the Roth-era V.H. catalog; most of the albums clocked in at just over 30 minutes and some of those were filled with too many covers and pointless instrumental segments. But when the band was on, they owned.
It was 1978 and I was desperate for entertainment during the obligatory week long stay at my Grandparent’s house in rural Southwest Iowa. The town, which had about 1,500 people in it, was home to both sets of Grandparents that I’d alternate between every other day. Their homes were blocks apart, and try as they may, they’d occasionally run out of ideas on ways to amuse me.
On one such occasion, my Grandmother took me down to the local appliance store which had a section devoted to music. I asked, and was granted, a cassette of Van Halen’s debut album. She didn’t seem to mind that I played “Runnin’ With The Devil” endlessly.
Until a few years ago, I never owned II. It always seemed to be the album that everybody else had, thanks in part to “Dance The Night Away.”
A few years later, Van Halen had just released their third album Women And Children First. Thankfully, FM radio back then actually considered lowly teenage rock fans by occasionally airing new releases. I’d hooked up a large FM antenna in my parent’s attic (it’s still there today) and run the wire down to my bedroom so that I could pick up the distant album oriented rock stations. One such station had a weekly show that featured a new album and played it, uninterrupted, at an hour that most 13 year olds should be in bed. The week they featured Women And Children was the week I stayed up late with a cassette at the ready and recorded the entire album in a primitive form of file sharing.
The next album, Fair Warning, came when I had graduated to middle school. For reasons that bewilder me now, I had also graduated to a career of stealing records. Woolworth’s, K-Mart, and any retailer that had lax security, found their bottom line impacted by my efforts. A close call at Woolworth’s involving, count ‘em, six albums lifted from their music department on the same day prompted me to change my shoplifting strategies to cassettes exclusively.
Parking lots were not immune to my thieving either; on orthodontic appointments I’d scour unlocked cars of the hospital for cassettes. Noticing an unlocked small truck with raised white-letter tires and after-market mags, I scored Billy Squier’s Don’t Say No, Ozzy Osbourne’s Diary Of A Madman and Van Halen’s Fair Warning. All three albums got a lot of plays, but it was Fair Warning that eventually died at the hands of a sticky pinch roller.
Diver Down was met with much anticipation as it came during my Freshman year of high school. Badassed cover art notwithstanding, the album itself is the definition of lazy V.H. Pointless covers (“Dancing In The Street” anyone?) and numerous instrumental interludes, Diver Down finds the band treading water, understanding that the supporting tour will undoubtedly provide them with another financial windfall, regardless of how the critics receive the studio output.
1984 found the band in fine, overly accessible form that proved to be the band’s commercial achievement and MTV favorite. I remember almost getting into a fight with another guy when we agreed to dj a school dance together. The guy did absolutely nothing to secure the equipment, assist with the set up, or help with the music selection. Instead, after the dance was underway he felt the need to become the main dj and he tested his authority by playing “Jump” four times during the two hour event. When I told him that he wasn’t going to play it again, he became irate and threatened to kick my ass. Instead of violence, I placed the Van Halen record inside a sleeve for Chicago, knowing that he’d never find it there. He later started his own car detailing business, which I hope provided him with enough money to buy 1984 and play “Jump” as many times as his heart desired.
Of course, all of these specific memories overshadow the reality that Van Halen albums were just common soundtracks for driving up and down Main Street under the influence. They were your buds in the back window speaker, encouraging you to get a case of beer and go chase some tail. When that original line up ended and was replaced by Sammy Hagar, they became those party guys with the dude too old to be hanging around the high school kegger.
The irony now is that they’re all too old to be there. But if memory serves, those were damn good times.

The Van Halen 'Recommended For Further Listening' list:

1. Van Halen-The essential debut. Not only the definitive V.H. album (meaning: required listening) in terms of sound, but an album that changed the face of rock & roll guitar in the same manner that Are You Experienced? did. The only downfall is that classic rock radio has played the piss out of nearly every track on this album that it’s gotten to the point where I’m completely tired of it. Nonetheless, there’s a reason why it’s overplayed: its an album that’s completely devoid of filler and impeccable from start to finish.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “I heard the news baby
   All about your disease
   Yeah you may have all you want, baby
   But I got something you need”
   
2. Fair Warning-Thanks to the fatigue I’ve got from the debut, the forth V.H. album is my personal favorite. Darker and dirtier than other Van Halen albums, it was recorded when the relationship between Dave and Eddie began to strain. The end result is the most brutal performances in their catalog and subject matters that seem to deviate from the party anthems that brought them success.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “Come back to your senses, baby
   We can come to terms
   I can almost t-t-taste it
   It burns”
   
3. Women And Children First-Gotta love third albums; it’s the one that band’s are required to figure out if they’re in it for the long haul or just a one-trick pony. V.H. start to branch out with their third and, thanks to their recent status as headliners, they do it with confidence. Starting with their most anthemic song (“And The Cradle Will Rock”), the band runs through a variety of styles and hits every one of them with authority.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “Well they say it’s kind of frightenin’
   How this younger generation swings”
   
4. 1984-I can’t explain how universally accepted this album was; respected by long term fans it also managed to gain new ones (particularly girls) thanks to some fairly snazzy video airplay. There’s another reason too: the band obviously took some time at crafting the songs, which included some new strategies (namely Eddie’s keyboards) and some greater attention to melodies.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “You’ve got to roll with the punches
   To get to what’s real”
   
5. II-How do you repeat a successful debut? For most bands, including Van Halen, you try to stick to the exact same strategy that won people over to begin with. There are some great songs on II, and I probably listen to it more than 1984, but ultimately, it’s the same formula as the debut with material that’s a hair beneath it. The ranking considers the album’s pointless cover (“You’re No Good”) that opens the thing and a few duds (“Somebody Get Me A Doctor,” “Women In Love,” and “Outta Love Again”) that hold it back from being a classic like the other four. And even with these songs included, it barely cracks the 30 minute mark.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “Creatures from the sea
   With the look to me
   That she’d like to fool around”
   
6. Diver Down-What happens when you let Dave have man the controls? You get Diver Down, an album that is the definition of “going through the motions.” Plagued by pointless covers (“Big Bad Bill Is Sweet William Now” and “Happy Trails”) and a number of instrumental “interludes,” the album fails to show any progress and, again, barely clocks over 30 minutes. One of the instrumentals (“Cathedral”) is noteworthy for the fact that Eddie fried out the volume knob of his guitar after the second take to achieve the incredible effects the song demonstrates.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “He’ll make conversation
   But she’s listening to your cash”