To The Paramedic Who Saved Nikki Sixx

AC/DC released the DVD “Family Jewels” this past week; a collection of rare television footage, promotional clips, and shitty 80’s videos. Yes it’s true: you can now own the entire “Fly On The Wall” video again in a handy digital format. The good news is that the discs are broken up into two sections, one for Bon Scott and the other for Brian “There’s a bowling pin in my anus” Johnson. By the end of disc two, you’re ready to knock that silly hat off of Brian’s head and scream “What the fuck is with all that shit after “Flick Of The Switch?” Or if you’re like my S.L.F., you’re going “Oi! Oi! Oi!” (like in “T.N.T.”) by the time they hit the “Highway To Hell” clips. Yes it’s true; I had to explain why it’s cool that every single AC/DC song sounds the same. And again, don’t get me started on “Mr. Metronome” Phil Rudd…

I would be remiss in mentioning that I broke down and bought Motley Crue's “Shout At The Devil” last week and will again declare that it’s a good album, but it definitely is not the “classic” album that those money fuckers want you to believe. I had forgotten how utterly bad some of those songs were (pointless version of “Helter Skelter,” album fillers “God Bless The Children Of The Beast” and “In The Beginning”) and how retarded Nikki Sixx could be as a lyricist. Let’s take a closer look at the song “Bastard.”
At first, you’d think the song is about a dude that pisses off Nikki so much that he declares “consider that bastard dead!” What’s confusing is the line that follows:
“Get on your knees
Please beg me, please
You’re the king of the sleaze
Don’t you try to rape me”
So is Nikki afraid the dude is going to fuck him and, in order to save his masculinity, has to kill him? It’s shit like this that prevents “Shout At The Devil” from being anywhere near a landmark release.
To top this shit off, there’s a recent interview with Mick Mars who basically admits he thought the whole make-up and metal thing was retarded but that, essentially, he was getting old and wanted to be famous. I guess his shitty bar band from the 70’s wasn’t paying the bills for Mick, his wife and children, so he took the Crue route. Trust me when I say “shitty bar band;” I’ve heard songs from his old band and I can say “shitty” with conviction. I guess Mick really wanted to be a blues guys, yet even after making some jack with Vince, Neil, and Tommy, still has yet to produce anything that refers to his love of the genre. It’s what they call “selling out” and it’s something that these fuckers have known about all along.
I will be fair in saying “Shout At The Devil,” “Danger,” “Looks That Kill” and “Knock ‘Em Dead Kid” all rock nicely, but I’m having a hard time with the entire “It’s a big deal that we’ve reunited for the fans” bullshit that Sixx seems to be pumping out with as much fervor as his “I almost died from an overdose!” sound bite.
Shout at the devil…and ask for a higher guarantee on tour.