Mall Of AmeriKKKa

Let me say this, if you have kids and they’re under the age of three, do yourself a favor and don’t even bother going on a family vacation. Even under the most rigid of planning (short drive time, hotel with kid-friendly amenities, and close proximity to other landmarks) something will inevitably go wrong-usually at the hands of the child under three.
Greetings from Minneapolis, a town where people tend to be overly friendly or tremendously douchey. We’ve experienced both, and in the case of the latter, you just want to explode with a scream of “You’re in Minnesota, fuckstick! Leave the attitude in one of your 10,000 lakes along with the rest of the walleye!” Seriously, any state that’s helped give the rest of the country Garrison Keillor owes us a motherfucking apology. Plus, you retards elected a professional wrestler as your governor, which is actually a step below in electing the Terminator. And we know what a stand-up job that shiteater is doing.
If you’ve never been to the Mall of America before, take another bit of advice from yours truly and just stay clear of the place. I’ve yet to meet one living soul in that monstrosity that even pretended to want to be working there. Look, I worked and managed retail for years, so I know what a thankless job it is. I also know how easy it is to pretend to give a shit when you’re communicating with other people. I’m not talking about the douche bags-fuck them-I’m talking about everyday folks that have some cash in their pockets that are willing to spend it in your premises. I can’t tell you how many people that I’ve come across in the last few days that simply act like ringing you up is on the same category as doing inventory on the entire store.
A better suggestion is just to stay away from this dinosaur shithole. You’ve probably got the exact same goddamn stores in your own back yard, so fuck this place.
Trust me: your kids will have just as much fun if you go squirt them with the hose and follow it up with a meal of hot dogs and Twinkies.