It was a conversation that prompted me to seek out Pat Travers Band's Crash And Burn album, a record that packs everything decent into the first side while allowing the second side to completely implode with mediocrity.
But don’t let that discount how good side one is and, in particular, the one song that the two burnouts were referring to while eavesdropping on their conversation.
That title, “Snortin’ Whiskey,” was easy enough to remember when looking for the record a week or so later, but it was/is great enough for me to remember nearly thirty years later.
It occasionally pops up on classic rock stations. I’m assuming this because I don’t really listen to classic rock stations and, from what little I’ve heard of current rock stations, they play songs that I’ve heard before, but couldn’t name the band or title if you paid me to. For example, I know there’s a tune where the chorus goes “You’re such a fucking hypocrite,” which is funny as the station drops out the offending word. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe that word/line is the only reason why people like it. I mean, musically it’s about as non-descript as you can get, swimming in a sea of anonymity that will fade away the moment that it’s fans cash in their rock ‘n roll tastes for a country artist that will speak to their moment in five or ten years.
“Snortin’ Whiskey” isn’t that type of song. It’s a lifestyle that stays with you even after you’ve left the booger sugar behind and replaced it with an atypical world of Bud Light twelve packs and the obligatory D.U.I. conviction that comes with it. When Travers declares, “I’ve got so much cocaine/Ain’t ever comin’ down!” you know because you’ve been there. You never forget about the nights of too much coke and too little to talk about, eyeballing the next line with the greed of the Reagan administration. You may remember the incredible sex drive that the snowstorm creates, which also can create an inability to climax or, just as bad, get it up, depending on the amount you Hoovered.
Do you want to know one of the reasons why I think the movie Sideways is so awesome? It’s because of the scene where they go back to the waitress’ house to get Jack’s wallet, after forgetting it when her old man came back unexpectedly and caught him porking her. As Miles goes in to retrieve Jack’s wallet, he navigates through the unkempt house while “Snortin’ Whiskey” plays in the background. The couple is in the bedroom fucking, both seemingly turned on by her unfaithful actions, making them the perfect stereotype for this song. Indeed, I could see either one of the two men in that concert line playing the role of that character from Sideways.
But make no mistake, “Snortin’ Whiskey” is by no means a Neanderthal song. Travers is an awesome guitarist and he teamed up with another great six-stringer (Pat Thrall, who later went solo and started a band using his own name on the marquee) and delivered a shit hot solo smack dab in the middle of the tune. The riff itself is pretty sweet too.
Travers’ band also featured Tommy Aldridge on drums, perhaps one of the greatest rock drummers ever. Aldridge, for those of you who dig useless trivia, actually replaced Nicko McBrain after he left, eventually becoming the long-standing drummer for Iron Fucking Maiden.
Anyway, “Snortin Whiskey” and it’s awesome riff have been going through my head like a heart-racing coke binge lately and I’m here to tell you that it’s just as good sober as it is under the influence.
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