Listful Thinking: The Best David Lee Roth Era Van Halen Albums

Why an entire weekend of Van Halen?

Because they rule.

And because my review of 5150 is shaping up to be one of the most read reviews on this site, for reasons that are beyond me. Particularly because I am a fan of the David Lee Roth era Van Halen and was not particularly glowing in my assessment of Sammy Hagar's first entry as Van Halen's lead vocalist.

With the recent addition to A Different Kind Of Truth into the DLR catalog, and with the added surprise that it's pretty freakin' good, I sat down and did a list of the best Van Halen records from the David Lee Roth period.

Feel free to comment on your own list while realizing that the correct list is as follows:

1.) Van Halen
You really do need to start at the beginning with Van Halen’s catalog. Not only does it remain as the band’s best offering, it’s really something you need to hear from start-to-finish to get a better grasp at how the record blew minds when it was first issued. Of course, it’ll be hard to do since the guitar as we know it ultimately changed when Van Halen’s debut was released, but just imagine how every tone, note and solo on that left anyone with even a minor interest with the instrument scratching their heads in amazement. Even the covers are vital as it doesn’t hide from the fact that Van Halen cut their teeth on the club circuit and filled out the gaps with a plethora of cover songs, occasionally rivaling the originals.

2.) Women & Children First
For most bands, the third record typically stands as the make or break effort. It’s a release that demonstrates their creative mettle, an opportunity to build upon the first two records (generally, one in the same) while pointing the way for future endeavors. Van Halen could have easily taken the easy road with Women & Children First, playing down their heavier elements in favor for more commercial pastures like they did with “Dance The Night Away” from II. Thankfully, they didn’t. Instead, they brought out songs that were aggressive, clever, and anything but safe.

3.) Fair Warning
Even darker than Women & Children First, Fair Warning remains as the overlooked gem in Van Halen’s cannon. Exposing the soft white underbelly that decadence afforded them, Fair Warning combines massive riffs with naughty subject matter and if the stories of inner-band turmoil are true, at least they were going out on fire.

4.) 1984
For all the drama it create and for all the success it garnered, 1984 straddles a fine line of commercial appeal while sounding like a legitimate step ahead. How they would have followed this record is anyone’s guess, but methinks Eddie would have held a bigger role since 1984 is a big “fuck you” to Dave’s logical assumption that nobody wants to hear keyboards from rock’s greatest living guitar player. Guitar Player subscribers don’t, but fans of Top 40 radio sure did. Thankfully, 1984 is incredibly consistent-maybe the most consistent V.H. album since the debut-and it still plays like the same kegger party soundtrack that it was when first released.

5.) A Different Kind Of Truth
Ranked high not only for the fact that it has more good to great tracks than either II or Diver Down, it also came after an improbable delay. I mean, no one should release albums this good after such a layoff and after so much drama has transpired. Yet here we are, looking at a record that begs to be played now as well as a decade later-which is probably when people will begin to realize how good Truth really is.

6.) II
How do you follow up a debut record that changes the face of the rock and roll guitar and introduces an entirely new genre in the rock ‘n roll landscape? You can’t. Instead, the members of Van Halen rushed back into the studio and cherry-picked the best remaining songs from their club days and released them as the follow up to Van Halen. II isn’t a bad album, it just isn’t a great album like the debut. While the debut sounded like it was created by a band of otherworldly talent, II sounds like the work of a really good rock band with songs that cater to the beer ‘n cigarette days of the Sunset Strip. A while there are a few awesome tracks, there’s also garbage like the opening cover “You’re No Good,” which sounds just as weak today as it did thirty years ago.

7.) Diver Down
I can remember how excited I was at the news of the Diver Down release as a freshman in high school. Immediately after purchasing it, I remember how disappointed I was with the results. 31 minutes, almost half the songs are cover versions, 3 tunes are instrumentals with one of them nothing more than filler music for a fucking video. The sad thing is that Diver Down contains three must have originals (“Hang ‘Em High”, “Little Guitars,” and “The Full Bug”) which means that most fans ended up shelling out hard earned cash for an album that the band didn’t seem to put much work into beforehand.



Honorable Mentions:

“Me Wise Magic” and “Can’t Get That Stuff No More”

A pair of tracks from the band’s first greatest hits compilation, when the band was toying with the notion of joining forces with Dave again. Given the band’s DLR catalog, these tracks probably rank towards the bottom. But when compared to their entire output, including their tenure with Sammy Hagar, the songs are a much tolerable affair, providing hints as to what Van Halen might have sounded like if Roth had remained the frontman and followed Eddie’s increasing dominance in song arrangement and structure.

Van Halen - A Different Kind Of Truth

“Told you I was coming back” deadpans David Lee Roth on “Blood And Fire,” one of the thirteen new tracks from A Different Kind of Truth, the band’s first album in 28 years. Thank God, Van Halen fans deserve this moment for all they have been through and-more importantly-they deserve a decent moment, not something slopped together as icing for the cash cow that will be their 2012 tour.

And decent it is. In fact, it is better than anyone expected, even those of little faith who spoke disparagingly of the leadoff single “Tattoo.”

The reality is, “Tattoo” is probably the worst song on the album, and if you can make it through “Stay Frosty” without smiling-the improbably awesome reprise to “Ice Cream Man”-then there is no saving you from your own jaded pretention. The reality is that something special happens when the atomic explosion of Eddie Van Halen’s guitar work and Diamond David Lee Roth’s front man jive collide. It is a thing of beauty and A Different Kind Of Truth only confirms that.

For me, it is clear that all the closet cleaning that people were so freaked out about, served as a benchmark for this reunion. The selections they chosen were a reminder of those club days before they became successful. They represent a time when they were hungry, before the drama set in and they could all agree on working together on one common goal.

A Different Kind Of Truth finds every member just doing their fucking job. Each one of ‘em-including Wolfie-seems intent on making sure they weren’t to blame if this whole idea ended up in the shitter. Every member delivers, and the venue they chose to display their hard work is an aggressive one. There are few moments that I remember hearing a keyboard, and there is no room in their arrangements that allow for an “I’ll Wait” power ballad. It’s unadulterated hard rock music, and every one seems nimble, chomping at the bit to knock the chip off our collective shoulders.

If you want comparisons, A Different Kind Of Truth tries hard to reach the punchy deep tracks of Women and Children First while delivering more consistent winners than II or Diver Down. It’s about three songs too many from ranking alongside their classics with one of the only reasons preventing them from reaching that plateau is because our heads are no longer blown away like they were when Eddie was fingertapping his way through our earholes the very first time around.

Yeah, you miss the high harmonies of Michael Anthony and, yeah, Diamond Dave’s lost a high note or two, but if you approach this album expecting an embarrassing money grab you will immediately discover that Van Halen is actually trying to add something to their catalog.

Roth sounds a bit more humbled, older and wiser at times. He uses that low gruff voice a bit too much, something that he started with “Me Wise Magic” during the brief mid-90’s reunion, and Eddie carries his ass when it gets a tad bit creepy on “Honeybabysweetiedoll.” But in the end, there’s an exuberance in his performance that hasn’t been heard in years.

Same with Eddie, who seems hell-bent throughout A Different Kind Of Truth on getting back on top of those guitar magazine polls by pulling out mind-blowing solos in every nook and cranny available.

Even Alex, particularly on the intro to “As Is,” channels the best Ginger Baker his old balls can muster and even gives nephew more cowbell while he unleashes some nice fuzz bass guitar on the terrific closer “Beats Workin’”

As a matter of fact, the last three tracks on A Different Kind Of Truth are just as good as anything in the band’s original cannon, and it’s totally obvious that some of these songs actually are part of the original black powder.

They’ve done something very impressive with it, namely adding to the band’s winning streak instead of further tarnishing the band’s legacy. Equally important, it validates the fact that this band has chemistry with this particular vocalist and that we now have a chance to look forward to watching Van Halen fulfill their unrealized potential.

This review originally appeared in Glorious Noise.

Van Halen - Fair Warning

After three albums, similarly themed on the glories of women, partying, and the joys of being dudes in a rock band, the underbelly of Van Halen’s debauchery began to show itself on their fourth, the impeccable and often overlooked Fair Warning.

There were signs of trouble on the third, Women & Children First, but they were hidden in teenage character studies (“Have you seen junior’s grades?”) and in the women they had no trouble bedding (“Yeah, that’s it. A little more to the right.”). But after enjoying the fruits of their labors, Van Halen suddenly began to notice that when you’re provided with the keys to the kingdom, you also get a better understanding of why the doors were locked in the first place.

Diamond Dave, as foxy as he thought of himself, could still relate to the teenage boys through songs that reflected the ups and downs (pun intended) of the pursuit of women. By Fair Warning, Dave is tired of the chase (“Now we’re wastin’ time/Same old pick-up line”) and just wants to get down to fucking (“Come back to your senses, baby/We can come to terms/ I can almost t-t-taste it/It burns…”-“Sinners Swing!”). It’s easy for him now, because the broads he’s banging are porno stars (“Do you remember when that girl was prom queen?”-“Dirty Movies”) and gold diggers (“But you never missed me until I got a fat-city address”-“Unchained”).

The decadence and easy of addiction wasn’t, apparently, restricted to the frontman, either. Guitarist Eddie Van Halen does the impossible and turns up his infamous “brown sound” up a notch on both rhythm parts and solo’s alike. There were rumors that his alcohol intake was fairly rampant during this time and living on the road with David Lee Roth had created some tensions between the two creative forces. Rather than let the discontent spill over into the creative process, Eddie takes his issues out on the guitar and delivers perhaps the most gritty guitar tones ever produced in the V.H. catalog.

It’s apparent from the get-go, the opener “Mean Streets,” that the tone of Fair Warning will be darker and more forbearing than what fans were accustomed to in the past. Eddie delivers a chaotic bit of rambling shredding before unleashing the memorable power chords to that song about a half-a-minute into. Roth observes a world of mob rules and, without knowing it or not, foreshadows a nation where the gulf between the haves and have-nots growing increasingly wider. “The poor folks play for keeps down here” he exalts, before empathizing with the ways in which they address their plight. With the simple acquisition of a gun, the downtrodden are turned from “hunted into hunter” and anyone who questions the reaction to their suppression are encouraged to succumb to a swift and simple execution (“Lord strike that poor boy down!”). Eddie gives that last statement with his own exclamation point, perhaps the most perfect bullet-from-a-gun guitar sound since Hendrix’s rapid-fire trajectory on “Machine Gun.”

There are no celebratory anthems here, there are no good time moments or reaches towards commercial acceptance. Is it of any surprise that Fair Warning did not turn out to be the success that Van Halen was used to and, ironically, rebelling against. They followed it with the more commercial Diver Down and then with the even more commercial album, 1984, the album that would place them as superstars and, ironically, become the original line-up’s undoing. Success, it seems, fits better in moderation with Van Halen. But on one occasion, the spoils of success provided V.H. with a creative spark that remains both unheralded and unmatched.

This review originally appeared in Glorious Noise.

Montrose - Montrose

Growing up in Southeast Iowa, one of the most ubiquitous hard rock albums you could find on Saturday night was the debut album from Montrose. I’d only heard bits and pieces of the album on the stray FM signals that worked their way up the banks of Mississippi river from St. Louis or down from the Quad Cities.

Those signals were few and far between, so much of the Montrose legend came from rock and roll uncles and older brothers. And it only one listen of it before you understood why it was so revered.

I think the only reason Montrose isn’t noted more is because it came during a time, 1973, in which everyone seemed to be releasing albums of incredible consistency. Montrose was a just another band from Southern California with Sunset Strip chops and a young unknown Sammy Hagar fronting an upstart guitarist as its namesake.

This album would turn out to be the best record that either one of them would do in what stands as pretty lengthy careers for both.

Ronnie Montrose was best know as one of the guitarists of the Edgar Winter Group’s They Only Come Out At Night release. Montrose also worked his way into the Herbie Hancock band previously, and he counts Tupelo Honey as one of his credits.

Warner Brothers records viewed Montrose as a potential star and put him together with producer Ted Templeton for the major label debut.

Clocking in with eight songs in just over a half-hour, Montrose is the perfect training manual for future SoCal hard rockers, including Van Halen, who mirrored much of the record for their own debut.

It is here where Sammy Hagar introduces some of the first entries of his endlessly questionable lyrical choices, and it is here where another guitarist of enormous talent saves his ass again.

Montrose possesses none of the flash of a Eddie Van Halen, but he comes from a school of hard working guitarist who starts with a few blues chords and ends up with otherworldly talent.

“Space Station No. 5” should be required listening for any self-serving bar band thinking of introducing their own material into the set. And if that band is of any merit, it should sound just as convincing as Montrose’s version of Roy Brown’s “Good Rockin’ Tonight” that’s found on side two.

“Rock The Nation,” “Bad Motor Scooter,” and the closer “Make It Last” also feature memorable riffs and themes that qualify for rock and roll’s most anthemic performances of all time. Why Montrose-and even Hagar, to some extent-couldn’t move beyond this benchmark is one of the hard rock’s biggest mysteries while becoming the pair’s own fuel for future disappointment.

Ronnie Montrose R.I.P.

Ronnie Montrose died today at the age of 64.

Growing up, we’d joke around that his band Montrose was actually named for the town of Montrose, Iowa. It’s an odd town nestled on the bank of the Mississippi river where the chief export is crystal meth.

I’m being mean, but you get the idea of the kind of weird I’m talking about when I drawn these kind of examples to this town of a thousand or so residents.

But I’m being honest when I tell you that Montrose (the band) found their initial audience not with Ronnie’s previous work, or even in the talent of then unknown Sammy Hagar, but instead with a name recognition with the small town of the same name and some awesome music found within Montrose’s debut.

The real shit of Ronnie’s passing today is that you never heard of him. I think that debut album did go gold, which means that it did game some bit of notoriety during its time, but it was never the success that it should have been and not as much credit for Ronnie Montrose is given as it should have been.

You could even go on to suggest that a band like Van Halen wouldn’t have been possible without Montrose paving the way. The two were obviously different and Montrose may not have been able to achieve the same kind of success that V.H. had, but there are linear similarities aside from the Sammy Hagar connect and the use of producer Ted Templeman.

It’s unclear how he died at this point-most outlets are suggesting that he succumbed to prostate cancer-but some of them are also hinting at other things, referencing things like “personal demons” and the nature of how his life ended.

There are hints that Ronnie was more of a right-winger than most typical rock and rollers and even Hagar has suggested that Montrose could have been a lot bigger than they were had Ronnie been easier to work with.

Regardless of all of this, he left us with a perfect hard rock debut and a catalog of unrealized potential. But more than anything, he left us with another chance to explore his body of work and grant him the credit he deserves.

Van Halen - 5150

When it was announced that Sammy Hagar would be taking over the lead vocalist position in Van Halen, David Lee Roth made an observant statement about his replacement.

I’m paraphrasing, but the line went something like “Sammy Hagar has made a lot of good albums, but Van Halen made great albums.”

And that’s exactly what Van Halen’s first offering with Sammy Hagar is, a good Van Halen record.

What Diamond Dave fails to acknowledge is that II and Diver Down aren’t exactly great albums either, but it’s obvious that he’s correct in declaring that Sammy Hagar has never been the kind of guy that can claim to have a classic record under his belt as a solo artist.

You’d get no argument from me that the first Montrose album could be a must have, but Hagar’s solo work is filled with big hook-laden chorus and a bunch of shit thrown together for verses in between.

The same is true when he has Eddie Van Halen working with his for 5150-the pair make some great music together when everything aligns for the chorus, but just getting there proves to be a challenge. Hagar’s lyrics are so dimwitted that he makes Roth seem like fucking Shakespeare and to think that Eddie Van Halen is actively encouraging this behavior is almost unsettling.

The best example is “Summer Nights,” a song that fits perfectly into any summertime bonfire or make-shift party, that is until you realize that Hagar is actually pining for a hook up by referring to the opposite sex as “human toys.”

At one point, Hagar is such a lazy bastard that he doesn’t even bother to follow up the line “Them girls are biting good tonight” with another verse. Instead, he just gives a pointless “Awww” instead of finishing the lyric.

5150 is filled with lots of good songs that are sure to complement any party, but there’s hardly a tune on it that would stick to your conscious the way a comparable Diamond Dave tune.

This album played incessantly the summer it was released and I remember being quite shocked at how good it actually turned out after fearing for the worst. It remains as Hagar’s best work with the band, but it hardly was good enough to not have me wishing that they’d hire Roth back and send Sammy packing for his own blend of arena medicraty.

With Roth they transcended the juvenile script while with Hagar it seemed that the opening act pomp was dragging Van Halen down to the circuit that they seemed to leave behind in ’78.

I'm Seeing Red: Sammy Hagar's Biography

I started to write some silly little piece about Sammy Hagar, shortly after catching about a half-dozen songs from a solo concert not too long ago on DirecTV’s 101 channel. It was awful, and I wanted to let people know this.

But why waste time on something most people already know? Don’t give me some bullshit at how he’s had a few decent songs-you could count Sammy’s good tunes on one hand since he left Montrose and I’ll give you the other hand too if you want to get lazy about it.

10 songs don’t make someone a legend, and if you heard the greatest hits spectacle that he performed on that live special, you’d understand the mediocrity of Hagar’s career and his real contributions to the musical landscape.

Besides, his voice is a headache-inducing earhole fuck that rivals Paul Stanley’s never-ending shriek when he’s not tonin’ it down for “Shandi” or some other mid-tempo filler.

This is hilarious because Sammy recently put his worthless opinion on what he thinks of David Lee Roth’s voice-and of course, he’s letting everyone know that it’s 1.) a tad flat, dog and 2.) a little bit behind the beat. Right now (no pun intended!) I’m scouring my mind to see if I can remember any Hagar songs that go beyond that nasal whine he uses to demonstrate how “heavy” he is…And I’ll be goddamned if I can recall one friggin’ tune that doesn’t use it.

Ok, maybe the spoken word parts of “Finish What Ya Started,” at least until he whips out that cranial breaking voice for the “I got the tools to satisfy” parts.

Sammy jumps around on stage-running back and forth to try to conjure up some excitement, using the obligatory “Let’s party!” script whenever possible. The problem is, it seems too disingenuous-particularly since he’s shelling his own booze in the process. To make things titillating, Hagar has hired a pair of chicks to dress up in bikinis to occasionally yell “Woo Hoo!” and shake their ass to a song from Three Lock Box that they’ve probably never heard before the tour even started.

I’m not kidding when I tell you that I lasted only six songs before I had to turn the channel. He didn’t have Michael Anthony this round. He had some overly busy drummer, a chick on base, and the dude from the Bus Boys playing guitar in some outfit that looked completely out of place next to Sammy.

Sometimes, a roadie would bring out a guitar for him to solo on, but every time he started to “shred,” I could have sworn he was just playing the same solo he did for the last bit of showmanship.

Just when I get this image out of my head, along comes Sammy with a fucking autobiography. They have some excerpts on Rolling Stone’s website-but from all I can tell, Sammy’s life is so boring that all he can do is share Van Halen stories and tell readers that Eddie is a drunken, toothless savant with poor hygiene and poor taste in clothing.

The stories, I’ll admit, are amazing. But then you realize that it’s Sammy’s biography, and all he’s doing is smacking Eddie around, painfully bitter about the last “reunion” tour outcome and how the dude who gave him the keys to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is a douche.

I think we already figured that out whenever he smacked DLR down during their first reunion attempt during that MTV Awards show in the mid-90’s.

I know there are other parts of the book, but the trouble is, nobody gives a shit about it. I don’t care about the challenges in recording Standing Hampton and I sure as shit don’t care about his overpriced tequila. I want to hear the Van Halen stories and, yes, I want to hear about Eddie pulling out his teeth with pliers too. I just want to hear that story with a little more compassion, that’s all.

It made me appreciate Michael Anthony a bit more-but not enough to stop calling him “the luckiest son-of-a-bitch in show business. But seriously, if Anthony could tolerate Eddie’s drunken shenanigans and still not have enough bitterness to compose a tell-all hatchet job like Hagar is evidently doing (again, based only on the excerpts that I’ve seen), then someone needs to give Michael Anthony the medal of honor for showing restraint beyond belief. If anyone has the right to throw Eddie Van Halen under the bus, it’s Michael Anthony.

It’s pretty clear that Eddie isn’t operating with a full deck any longer, and the concern is that he needs to up his musical output a bit more if he’s working against the clock as quickly as it sounds like he is. Maybe Hagar’s book is the incentive he needs to get started on this. I’d hate to think that Sammy’s description is the last word we’ve heard from Eddie, especially considering that he’s squandered his talents for over twenty years, putting his god-given talent in the back seat while allowing the pop narcotic to run ramshot with “The Red Rocket” at the steering wheel.

The good news is that Sammy is now destroying his own credibility by telling reporters of how aliens abducted him and how he saw a space ship when he was four years old. Hey, I thought fucking cartoons were real when I was four, Sammy, but you won’t catch me admitting that when I go on a book tour to promote my first book!

I find it amusing that this book tour is showing more about Eddie than it is Sammy. Unless you consider that his words and subsequent interviews are more telling than what’s on the written page: that Sammy Hagar is a mid-tier talent who got a ten-year extension on his original shelf-life because some legendary guitarist gave him the keys to the candy store.

And all the book appears to do is merely bite the hand that fed him new life when his own career was in freefall.

Over The Edge

Happy Anniversary baby.
Got you on my….Mind.
Saw Over The Edge this weekend. First time in, like, twenty-eight years. I suppose I should let my wife watch it, but I don’t think she’d appreciate it as she was ONE when it was originally released. They aired it all the time on HBO back then, when meant it was permanently embedded into my brain for all of these years. Watching it alone made me feel like I was alone, age thirteen, watching the movie in my parents’ living room while they slept upstairs. It has a great soundtrack; the scene where they’re all going to this party and “You Really Got Me” is playing in the background as they go down to the basement is the reason why I bought Van Halen’s first record.
Actually, my Grandmother bought it for me at an electronics store in Bedford, Iowa and it was on cassette.

There’s a full accounting of the Mastodon show coming in Glorious Noise, but the overall consensus was that it was epic and completely amazing. The crowd was spotted with music geek types, most of whom stood agape as the band completely worked over a brutal two-hour set of Crack The Skye in its entirety and a transgressing set from the rest of their catalog. The Blood Mountain material was superb. I’m still a little pissed that they didn’t do “Blood & Thunder” but…what can you do.
Parking was a real pain thanks to an evening game between the Cubs and Great White, but we were advised to drive up an alley a few blocks from Wrigley Field and go see a guy named “Ziggy.”
Apparently, Ziggy has some parking space in the area and he plays guitar.
“We’re all doing a shit right when Mastodon goes on.” Advised the inked bartender at the Metro to her other co-workers. It was in preparation to get their head’s blown off from pure metal. Seriously, I stood right in front of the stage-right speakers and had to move after a few songs because it was making me queasy even with adequate ear protection.
There was a sign that advised how all stage diving and mosh pitting would not be allowed because of insurance reasons. Come to think of it, it’s been well over ten years since I’ve witnessed head-trauma inducing stage diving of any source. Thanks Progressive lady!
A dude in a wheelchair was selling bootleg t-shirts after the show for $10. They looked like they were made by a dude in a wheelchair with a red and black Sharpie.
A cute girl and her boyfriend were fighting in front of the Gingerman. He wanted to take her picture, supposedly to “document” her meltdown. She called him an “abuser.” A dude seeing that a weeping girl was somehow code for “Make a pass” asked with halfway concern if she was ok. She ignored him, and Mr. Concerned went home and beat-off.
After a mile jaunt, we found the car and went trippin’ on LSD.

Note To Eddie: Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge

Jesus Christ, this is horrific. While I was getting all smartassy about the Van Halen tour rehearsals, out pops a You Tube of the real live Van Halen concert and it’s even worse. I mean trainwreck bad.
Not only did those in attendance spend an ungodly sum to see a ¾ reunion show of Van Halen, they also paid for the privilege to hear Eddie Van Halen’s guitar completely out of tune.
But here’s the thing, nobody goes over to him to let him know about it! So he continues on, gutting the entire song (and encore, as this was the final song of the set) with this inexcusable performance.
It’s pretty clear that this is Eddie’s trip and that he’s successfully neutered Roth and created a bubble around him where no one had the balls to say: “Dude, get a fucking different guitar, you’re ruining the song with this one.”
And what’s with not noticing himself? Seriously, either his guitar is completely mixed out of his stage monitor or he’s too drunk to give a shit, but there is no reason why he shouldn’t be able to notice “Holy fuck! I’m way out of tune.”
Don’t tell me for a moment that the dude doesn’t have enough guitar juice to have a half dozen techs sucking him off backstage and making sure his free arsenal of guitars is ready for the next song on the setlist.
This tour may turn into a bigger fiasco that the last “reunion” tour with Sammy Hagar and Michael “Scale Wage” Anthony.
There were moments when I kept thinking: “This has got to be one of those videos that they’ve dubbed the guitar track in a different key.”
But after reading how on the show prior to this video of the Greensboro, North Carolina guitar disruption, Eddie missed a cue and came onstage with his pants unbuttons and falling down.
Further evidence that the tech is indeed sucking him off instead of making sure that the guitar he'll be using on stage is in fucking tune.

Van Halen Rehersal Videos

I’m now officially out of my “I could tolerate seeing Van Halen with David Lee Roth phase and it only took one glimpse of the rehearsal videos.
I understand it’s only a rehearsal. I know that the fellas are a helluva lot older. And I get the fact that most in attendance here are industry stiffs that include former members of Toto (no shit). But after Roth’s barking during the tour press conference, I was expecting just a tad more bite when it came time for the music.
Instead, you’ve got Diamond Dave, grinning like he’s on some kind of anti-depressant, Wolfgang Van Halen looking like someone let a sixteen year old kid on stage with some geriatric version of V.H., Alex laying out a the obligatory “I’m playing real fast and then I’ll play really slow” drum solo, and then there’s Eddie. Dressed in white Capri pants that look just as stupid now as they did during the Diver Down tour, Ed provided enough sound effects to retain his stature while staying the fuck away from Diamond Dave.
Seriously. You can almost cut the tension with a knife in these videos; could they seem any more uncomfortable together?

More Van Halen

So now it appears that both personal politics and personal issues are the reason for the Van Halen tour being "postponed" Eddie's statement from the Van Halen Website:

"Some of the issues surrounding the 2007 Van Halen tour are within my ability to change and some are not. As far as my rehab is concerned, it is within my ability to change and change for the better."

But wait, there's more.

Apparently, the Rock Hall won't let David Lee Roth sing, which means that even he won't be showing up for the ceremonies. From the L.A. Times:

"I don't make speeches for a living; I sing and dance for my dinner," Roth said,
adding that the decision to skip the event "rips my heart out."

If you're keeping score, this means that bassist Michael Anthony will be the only member of Van Halen present to accept their induction.

UPDATE: It looks like Sammy will be at the reception tonight (it's broadcasted tonight, 3/12/07, on VH1 Classic, so I'll check it out if the little one lets me change it from the fucking Sprout network). And the Rock Hall president is stating that they indeed want Roth to sing....with Velvet Revolver...a few classic V.H. tunes. I don't fault Roth for declining and I think he wants to save face just in case there happens to be a V.H. reunion after Eddie cleans up.

Van Halen Tour "Postponed"

Not only did David Lee Roth's make-nice comments in the latest edition of Rolling Stone sound scripted, they apparently were full of shit too.
The problems between Dave and Eddie are deeper than expected.
Seriously, I would love to be a fly on the wall when those two are in the room together.

We're Getting The Band Back Together: 2007 Reunion Tours

2007 seems to be the year of reuniting, since it feels so good, and with it comes the obligatory discussion concerning the merits of said reformation.

The awful truth about reunions is that they're often the result of greed and ego: a quick lift in the player's bank accounts and self-worth. There are examples of bands coming together again for the sake of unfinished business (Celtic Frost, Dinosaur Jr., and a few others come to mind) but Father-time typically doesn't prove to be on the side of aging rockers.

Van Halen-As discussed here.

The Stooges-Look, as much as I'm excited about this, I'm also a realist. Thirty-three fucking years have past since Raw Power and none of the surviving members are spring chickens. Hell, they're not even Popeye's Fried Chicken. But this is The Stooges we're talking about; a band so mired in destruction that we're blessed that Iggy and the Ashtons are even alive. And at the end of the day, don't we owe it to them to pay tribute for being able to wake up in the morning? The Live In Detroit dvd is riddled with equal parts tear-inducing nostalgia and ear-hurting embarassment. And "My Idea Of Fun" from their upcoming The Weirdness is a decent Iggy track but nowhere near the brilliance of The Stooges past glories. We'll see if the rest of the album is better, but time and reality are certainly against them.

The Police-This will be the moneymaker of the year….And with ticket prices ranging from $60-$225 (“packages” are even higher) this tour has got me considering a financial boycott. I’m not sure of the financial status of Stewart or Andy, but I know Sting isn’t hurting for cash, even though his last few solo efforts have stiffed. Regardless, explain to me why I’m required to get fucked up the ass so that Sting doesn’t slip into obscurity? The Police have never really qualified as a “punk” band, but it would have been very punk if they’d leveraged their reunion tour with reasonable financial restraint.
I’m secretly hoping this tour absolutely fails and the blame is placed solely on the outrageous ticket prices. Serves ‘em right. I’m also secretly hoping that a pair of tickets magically appear on my doorstep because (losing credibility here perhaps) I’d really like to see this one.

Smashing Pumpkins-Note to Billy Corgan: nobody gives a shit. If the Pumpkins were your “dreams” then why did you form Zwan? I doubt that anyone would have noticed James or D’Arcy missing from the Pumpkins line-up if you chose to carry on the moniker. In Totale’s world, you released two great albums (Gish and Siamese Dream) before succumbing to a pattern of elitism and pretentiousness. Keep your ego in check, Corgan: you may sell out a few theatres but don’t expect a lot of hero worship to upgrade your reunion to the arenas.

Rage Against The Machine-Not a fan, so no real excitement here. I will say that we really could’ve used a ton more lefty-leaning rock outfits during the Bush II Evil Empire (get it?) instead of fucking Audioslave.

Genesis-My dick might get a little hard if Gabriel were in the line-up, but no, it’s Phil Fucking Collins Genesis, to which I’m reminded of some truly horrible shit from the 80’s and into the 90’s. To be honest, by 1988 I couldn’t tell what was Phil Collins solo and a Genesis track, so I’m not the dude to ask if these fuckers could fill a state fair stadium. The last Genesis album I bought was Duke and I remember liking Abacab and a few tracks from their ’83 eponymous album. None of those albums mean that I would be caught dead at a Genesis concert.

Dinosaur Jr.-I’d totally see this one. When I missed them in the original line-up tours, I heard that they were loud as fuck and very inconsistent. I’d like to believe that getting older would help out in the latter department, but would hate to see a reduction in the volume. After all, that’s part of the thing that made You’re Living All Over Me and Bug so enjoyable: Mascis’ amplifier meltings were a thing of beauty. From reviews I’ve read about the reunion so far (which includes an album), they haven’t lost much.

Sebadoh-Really? I didn’t even know they broke up. I’m willing to bet that other people didn’t know this either.

Did I get ‘em all?

Now for the list of dream reunions. These are the bands that I would definitely consider seeing if they ever decided to reunite.

Spacemen 3-I’m sure that Jason Pierce is the only thing that’s holding this one up. And I’m sure that he’s making enough from Spiritualized to not even consider re-teaming with Sonic Boom again. But if he did, and even if they only played one chord together for 45 minutes, I’d want to be at the foot of the stage paying homage to these dudes. Check it:

The Smiths-Rumor has it that they were offered millions for a one-off that was systematically rejected. Hell, I’d even salivate if Morrissey/Marr teamed up under a different moniker. A full-fledged reunion seems unlikely since bassist Andy Rourke really hosed them in court for back royalties.

Husker Du-Saw ‘em in ’87 when they were on the downward spiral, and the show was so intense that I’d gladly see ‘em again. From what I understand, Grant Hart and Bob Mould dislike each other so much that the idea of a reunion would never get off the ground. I also don’t think the band has enough notable legacy to pay them what they’re deserved. And what they deserve is a hundred times more than what fucking Genesis will make from their reunion shenanigans.

The Stone Roses-Betcha these guys could absolutely kill in their heyday. Like that quote from the movie "Shaun Of The Dead" says: Second Coming wasn’t that bad of an album. I think they only substantially toured the states in support of that album (which I missed) and time has made me miss them immensely. I guess I’m not the only one since there are two Stone Roses tribute bands currently cashing in around England: The Complete Stone Roses and The Clone Roses.

Pink Floyd-It’s cheesy, I know, but I’d totally be psyched for a reunited Waters/Gilmour thing. I saw the Floyd Water-less and it was painfully apparent that he was gone. Live 8 fueled the fire that they were on better terms, but I don’t see this happening. First of all, Waters is completely book for a solo tour throughout this summer and none of the members really need the cash. Gilmour has hinted that working with Waters is like pulling teeth and that Gilmour already has more money than a hundred dentists. Which is funny, especially if you’ve ever seen pictures of Rodger Waters’ teeth circa ’73.

Feel free to comment on what bands you’d like to see reunite.

Van Halen "Reunited"

Finally, it seems that Eddie Van Halen has finally figured out that a 40 date tour with David Lee Roth is worth more (read: $$$) than the animosity that has plagued their relationship for 23 years. Let me state for the record that I though Roth’s ego was indeed out of control a few decades ago and that any notion of a “Crazy From The Heat” movie, a lucrative solo career, and that he would be able to maintain the notoriety that he achieved with the Van Halen brothers was completely laughable. Indeed, as history has proven, David Lee Roth’s post-V.H. activity has been just that: laughable.
Sure, he got to front a shit-hot band for a few solo albums, but “shit-hot” usually means “a few egos” itself, and they bolted just in time to watch Roth’s career nosedive to the point where radio dj and paramedic actually became part of Diamond Dave’s resume.
“Shit-hot” could also describe the three remaining V.H. members…Ok, maybe two of ‘em, since it’s well documented that bassist Michael Anthony walked away with the “luckiest son-of-a-bitch in show business” title around the time of Women And Children First (more on this later)…But nonetheless, there’s a ton of ego to contend with Eddie himself, as the past decade has proven.
You know, I thought it was fine initially when Sammy joined Van Halen. Whatever. Dave was a jerk. Why should the rest of the fellas struggle to fit in the same limousine as Roth’s head? I knew the songwriting would take a step back with Sammy, and it did. By the time of For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, it started to be a little sad that they still thought album titles like that were funny and that the forty-something Hagar was writing songs with lyrics like “the wetter the better.”
So spirits were high when Hagar left (or fired, depending on who you talk to) and the rumors started that Diamond Dave would be returning to the fold. Those hopes were crushed when Dave acted up on the 1996 MTV Video Music Awards, an act that pissed off Eddie and ended any plans of a reunion.
So fast forward eleven years and the announcement that Dave is back with Van Halen. Michael Anthony’s luck has apparently run out, which makes the reunion somewhat bittersweet. Understand that, for all the simplicity that his bass contributions were, there was something inherently vital to his backing vocals. Anthony’s tenor was absolutely essential to the V.H. sound and to find excuses not to include him merely point to the notion that maybe Eddie’s ego has managed to expand to greater proportions than Roth circa ’85.
Never mind the zany behavior that Eddie has displayed during the past ten years:

• Arriving late and appearing drunk at the 2003 NAMM show, thereby jeopardizing his relationship with Peavey.


• Offering Anthony a reduced salary for the 2004 Hagar “reunion” tour, essentially demoting the bassist to that of a hired gun.


• Staggering on stage during a performance at the United Center where he managed to trip over the guitar cable 18 times.


• Laying down on stage at the same performance during the “Eruption” guitar solo, explaining to the audience in a drunken slur that he “done run outta gas.”


• Divorcing Valerie Bertinelli in 2005.


• Hiring Gary Cherone as the lead singer of Van Halen circa ’97-’99.


• Announcing on Howard Stern that he cured cancer through illegal means.

Personal and wacky issues aside, I should be pretty stoked that Diamond Dave, one of rock and roll’s greatest frontman, is back in his rightful place at the helm of Van Halen. But due to the absence of Anthony, it’s a silly notion that I would want to pay top dollar to see 3/4ths of the original line up with his 15 year old playing bass, and the obvious fact that America’s premier party band is much, much older now, I’m having serious reservations.
Rewind back eleven years: a no brainer; I’ve got no issue with people in their mid-40’s reliving their glory days but by the mid-50’s, its like that Uncle who always has too much to drink at Thanksgiving dinner and talks endlessly about the ass of the blonde Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. Would I feel comfortable with Dave, now at age 54, singing “Beautiful Girls” let alone high-kicking his way around the stage? Can he even high-kick at his age anymore?
In short: do I risk spending over a hundred dollars only to be sorely disappointed that I had spent that much on a bunch of old dudes embarrassingly cashing in at one final attempt at filling in the large arenas?
I dunno.
There’s that obligatory feel of nostalgia that says “Absolutely!” because, and I’m not alone here, Van Halen was a vital part of my pre-teen and teenage years. They were the epitome of the Saturday night band, one where you didn’t have to think very hard about the subject matter of the lyrics as you were thinking hard about how Eddie managed to achieve such amazing solos on his “Frankencaster.”
Just how good were they? Realistically, there’s a ton of laziness in the Roth-era V.H. catalog; most of the albums clocked in at just over 30 minutes and some of those were filled with too many covers and pointless instrumental segments. But when the band was on, they owned.
It was 1978 and I was desperate for entertainment during the obligatory week long stay at my Grandparent’s house in rural Southwest Iowa. The town, which had about 1,500 people in it, was home to both sets of Grandparents that I’d alternate between every other day. Their homes were blocks apart, and try as they may, they’d occasionally run out of ideas on ways to amuse me.
On one such occasion, my Grandmother took me down to the local appliance store which had a section devoted to music. I asked, and was granted, a cassette of Van Halen’s debut album. She didn’t seem to mind that I played “Runnin’ With The Devil” endlessly.
Until a few years ago, I never owned II. It always seemed to be the album that everybody else had, thanks in part to “Dance The Night Away.”
A few years later, Van Halen had just released their third album Women And Children First. Thankfully, FM radio back then actually considered lowly teenage rock fans by occasionally airing new releases. I’d hooked up a large FM antenna in my parent’s attic (it’s still there today) and run the wire down to my bedroom so that I could pick up the distant album oriented rock stations. One such station had a weekly show that featured a new album and played it, uninterrupted, at an hour that most 13 year olds should be in bed. The week they featured Women And Children was the week I stayed up late with a cassette at the ready and recorded the entire album in a primitive form of file sharing.
The next album, Fair Warning, came when I had graduated to middle school. For reasons that bewilder me now, I had also graduated to a career of stealing records. Woolworth’s, K-Mart, and any retailer that had lax security, found their bottom line impacted by my efforts. A close call at Woolworth’s involving, count ‘em, six albums lifted from their music department on the same day prompted me to change my shoplifting strategies to cassettes exclusively.
Parking lots were not immune to my thieving either; on orthodontic appointments I’d scour unlocked cars of the hospital for cassettes. Noticing an unlocked small truck with raised white-letter tires and after-market mags, I scored Billy Squier’s Don’t Say No, Ozzy Osbourne’s Diary Of A Madman and Van Halen’s Fair Warning. All three albums got a lot of plays, but it was Fair Warning that eventually died at the hands of a sticky pinch roller.
Diver Down was met with much anticipation as it came during my Freshman year of high school. Badassed cover art notwithstanding, the album itself is the definition of lazy V.H. Pointless covers (“Dancing In The Street” anyone?) and numerous instrumental interludes, Diver Down finds the band treading water, understanding that the supporting tour will undoubtedly provide them with another financial windfall, regardless of how the critics receive the studio output.
1984 found the band in fine, overly accessible form that proved to be the band’s commercial achievement and MTV favorite. I remember almost getting into a fight with another guy when we agreed to dj a school dance together. The guy did absolutely nothing to secure the equipment, assist with the set up, or help with the music selection. Instead, after the dance was underway he felt the need to become the main dj and he tested his authority by playing “Jump” four times during the two hour event. When I told him that he wasn’t going to play it again, he became irate and threatened to kick my ass. Instead of violence, I placed the Van Halen record inside a sleeve for Chicago, knowing that he’d never find it there. He later started his own car detailing business, which I hope provided him with enough money to buy 1984 and play “Jump” as many times as his heart desired.
Of course, all of these specific memories overshadow the reality that Van Halen albums were just common soundtracks for driving up and down Main Street under the influence. They were your buds in the back window speaker, encouraging you to get a case of beer and go chase some tail. When that original line up ended and was replaced by Sammy Hagar, they became those party guys with the dude too old to be hanging around the high school kegger.
The irony now is that they’re all too old to be there. But if memory serves, those were damn good times.

The Van Halen 'Recommended For Further Listening' list:

1. Van Halen-The essential debut. Not only the definitive V.H. album (meaning: required listening) in terms of sound, but an album that changed the face of rock & roll guitar in the same manner that Are You Experienced? did. The only downfall is that classic rock radio has played the piss out of nearly every track on this album that it’s gotten to the point where I’m completely tired of it. Nonetheless, there’s a reason why it’s overplayed: its an album that’s completely devoid of filler and impeccable from start to finish.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “I heard the news baby
   All about your disease
   Yeah you may have all you want, baby
   But I got something you need”
   
2. Fair Warning-Thanks to the fatigue I’ve got from the debut, the forth V.H. album is my personal favorite. Darker and dirtier than other Van Halen albums, it was recorded when the relationship between Dave and Eddie began to strain. The end result is the most brutal performances in their catalog and subject matters that seem to deviate from the party anthems that brought them success.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “Come back to your senses, baby
   We can come to terms
   I can almost t-t-taste it
   It burns”
   
3. Women And Children First-Gotta love third albums; it’s the one that band’s are required to figure out if they’re in it for the long haul or just a one-trick pony. V.H. start to branch out with their third and, thanks to their recent status as headliners, they do it with confidence. Starting with their most anthemic song (“And The Cradle Will Rock”), the band runs through a variety of styles and hits every one of them with authority.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “Well they say it’s kind of frightenin’
   How this younger generation swings”
   
4. 1984-I can’t explain how universally accepted this album was; respected by long term fans it also managed to gain new ones (particularly girls) thanks to some fairly snazzy video airplay. There’s another reason too: the band obviously took some time at crafting the songs, which included some new strategies (namely Eddie’s keyboards) and some greater attention to melodies.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “You’ve got to roll with the punches
   To get to what’s real”
   
5. II-How do you repeat a successful debut? For most bands, including Van Halen, you try to stick to the exact same strategy that won people over to begin with. There are some great songs on II, and I probably listen to it more than 1984, but ultimately, it’s the same formula as the debut with material that’s a hair beneath it. The ranking considers the album’s pointless cover (“You’re No Good”) that opens the thing and a few duds (“Somebody Get Me A Doctor,” “Women In Love,” and “Outta Love Again”) that hold it back from being a classic like the other four. And even with these songs included, it barely cracks the 30 minute mark.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “Creatures from the sea
   With the look to me
   That she’d like to fool around”
   
6. Diver Down-What happens when you let Dave have man the controls? You get Diver Down, an album that is the definition of “going through the motions.” Plagued by pointless covers (“Big Bad Bill Is Sweet William Now” and “Happy Trails”) and a number of instrumental “interludes,” the album fails to show any progress and, again, barely clocks over 30 minutes. One of the instrumentals (“Cathedral”) is noteworthy for the fact that Eddie fried out the volume knob of his guitar after the second take to achieve the incredible effects the song demonstrates.
   Inspirational Verse:
   “He’ll make conversation
   But she’s listening to your cash”