Yngwie Malmsteen Begins Guitar Gods Tour

You can practically smell the ego rising from the press release of Yngwie Malmsteen's Guitar Gods tour. I mean, why is it necessary to point out that Malmsteen got his own signature Fender model before Eric Clapton?

Because Yngwie has never been as universally revered as Clapton has and when you're as narcissistic as Malmsteen, you tend to point out every minute detail of your legacy, even the ones that really don't mean anything. Same thing goes for the Guitar Hero references. Who gives a shit?

Yngwie does. That's all that matters.

I won't be in the area during the time the Guitar Gods tour rolls around, otherwise, I'd be all over this. To see Yngwie and Uli Jon Roth (who may rank as one of my favorite guitarists ever) on the same stage would be pretty amazing, even if Yngwie's epic ego only allows him to log 9 dates to show off his six string prowess.

Here's the release:

(New York, NY) - The king of neo-classical shred guitar, legendary guitar virtuoso Yngwie Malmsteen, will soon return to stages across North America this summer for the first-ever "Guitar Gods" festival tour. Bringing together such accomplished axemen as Uli Jon Roth (Scorpions, Electric Sun), Gary Hoey ("Hocus Pocus") and Bumblefoot (Guns N' Roses), Malmsteen will headline an epic celebration (6+ hours!) of the instrument for a full evening of guitar pyrotechnics. Each show will also feature special surprise guests. The "Guitar Gods" tour is created and produced by April Malmsteen, Yngwie's wife and manager and is presented in proud partnership with Guitar Center. Please see below for the itinerary; more dates to be announced.

Of the upcoming tour, creator and producer April Malmsteen commented, "Being able to put together this festival has been a lifelong dream of mine. I sincerely believe that "Guitar Gods" will bring tremendous value and enjoyment to not only the guitar and heavy metal enthusiast, but also to anyone who loves music." Yngwie Malmsteen's most recent studio album, SPELLBOUND and his first book, the autobiography, Relentless: A Memoir, are both available now. Malmsteen was recently profiled about both on NPR's Weekend Edition Saturday; that segment can be heard here. In other news, the Yngwie Malmsteen premium artist signature series by Fender is now available. The series features a full lineup of Malmsteen-endorsed accessories such as guitar strings, instrument cables, gig bags, electronic tuners and more.

For nearly three decades, Grammy-nominated guitar icon Yngwie Malmsteen has been amazing audiences with dazzling technical speed and ability. Malmsteen's signature style of playing, which combines elements of seemingly disparate styles of music - metal and classical, spawned the now commonplace genres of heavy metal known as "shred guitar" and "neo classical" and earned Malmsteen the title "the Paganini of heavy metal". Malmsteen was the first guitarist to have his own Fender signature guitar model (even before Eric Clapton). He has graced the cover of more than 200 magazines worldwide, has won every guitar award imaginable and to date, has sold millions of records. Time named Malmsteen one of the "Top Ten Greatest Electric Guitar Players", an honor he shared with the likes of Les Paul, Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix. "Guitar Hero" enthusiasts know they have arrived when they are bestowed with the Yngwie Malmsteen award in the Xbox 360 version of "Guitar Hero 2". The award signifies a 1000+ note streak in succession.

Held in the highest regard in his own right, Uli Jon Roth brings the very special 40th Anniversary Scorpions set that he has been playing to audiences from Europe to North America, embracing his history with the band and digging deep into their catalogue for this tour.

Acclaimed for his accomplishments for perfecting his playing in multiple genres (rock, blues, surf), Gary Hoey performs his radio hits such as the Billboard Top 5 smash "Hocus Pocus" along with other favorites. 

Bumblefoot, best known for his work with Guns N' Roses, embarks on his first solo tour, playing songs from his entire critically-praised recorded history.

Yngwie Malmsteen/Guitar Gods North American tour 2014:

JUNE

13 Huntington, NY Paramount Theatre
14 Sayreville, NJ Starland Ballroom
17 Englewood, NJ Bergen Performing Arts Center
20 St. Charles, IL Arcada Theatre
21 Toronto, ON Phoenix Theatre
26 Seattle, WA Showbox Theatre
27 Portland, OR Roseland Theater

JULY

3 Beverly Hills, CA Saban Theatre
8 Tucson, AZ Rialto Theatr

You're In The Jungle Baby! 20 Years After Appetite For Destruction

The Peter Case book got me thinking about an article I did six-years ago over at Glorious Noise, celebrating the 20th anniversary of the release of Appetite For Destruction. 

Also, my Grandmother recently passed away. She absolutely hated this band, probably uttering her Swedish expression for disgust, "Ish!"

In the spring of 1987, my cousin was a junior in high school and overflowing with Midwestern teenage rebellion. A couple of classmates convinced him to stand lookout in the doorway of the boy’s restroom at school while they detonated a pipe bomb in one of the stalls. The explosion created major devastation and, as my cousin later admitted, it’s a miracle that no one was hurt during the incident.

The two boys that created the bomb were expelled from school while my cousin was handed a fifteen day suspension which entailed the final week of his junior year classes and the first two of his senior year.

Axl shows off the leather fanny pack he made in industrial arts class.

His parents, feeling that this punishment wasn’t severe enough, grounded him for the entire summer and forced him to learn about responsibility by getting a job. In a strange twist of irony, the job he landed was filing papers for a local insurance agent.

He spent his time outside of work holed up in his bedroom, passing the hours reading music magazines and listening to heavy metal records. A five-star review in Kerrang! of an unknown L.A. hard rock band called Guns ‘N Roses caught his eye and he made a mental note to look into them the next time he tasted freedom again.

Towards the end of summer, his parents finally displayed a small amount of sympathy by allowing him to tag along to the mall one weekend while they went shopping. He made his way towards the record store and immediately looked for the band that received such a glowing review. He became enamored with the original Robert Williams cover art for Appetite For Destruction and used some of the money he earned from his minimum wage job to take a chance on this debut.

The small town in Central Illinois where my cousin lived at the time probably wasn’t much different than Lafayette, Indiana, the city that W. Axl Rose fled from at the age of seventeen. It would only be a matter of time, and a few dozen plays of that cassette copy of Appetite, before my cousin drew parallels between him and William Bailey.

Fueled by the imagery within that album and inspired by Axl and Izzy’s own similar tales of escape, he and another friend jumped into a 1979 Chevy Camaro and headed west. A mutual friend who didn’t join them seemed to put more forethought into the journey than they did: she set them up with crackers and peanut butter for the trip, knowing that their limited resources wouldn’t provide them with much cash flow for fine dining.

While the Camaro’s 350 V8 gave them enough dependability to make it across the country, it did so at a high price. By the time they arrived in Los Angeles, the majority of their funds had been spent on fuel with the remaining balance going towards Marlboro reds and Mountain Dew.

They spent their first night gingerly sleeping on the Camaro’s bucket seats in a seedy part of East L.A.

While Appetite may have convinced them that L.A. was ground zero for sex, drugs, and rock and roll, the “jungle” proved to be relatively uneventful. The pair cruised the strip, looking for evidence of the scene chronicled in heavy metal magazines and immortalized in their favorite hard rock songs. The reality was much different: while they naively thought that they would be able to run into the members of GNR hanging outside of the Whiskey, neither one caught a glimpse of anyone remotely famous. After growing tired of their lack of success on the Sunset Strip, they decided that they would have better luck at meeting some of their SST idols like Henry Rollins and Greg Ginn. A quick drive down to Redondo Beach proved to be just as dull as their time on the Strip.

Perhaps their most notable encounter came while buying sodas and cigarettes one morning in a convenience store. They struck up a conversation with a prostitute who was coming to the end of her “shift.” After learning about the pair’s predicament, and perhaps going though similar circumstances herself, she offered the teenagers some sage advice: “Turn around and go home.”

Twenty years after the release of Guns ‘N Roses Appetite For Destruction, I’m hard pressed to think of another album that speaks to the disenfranchised youth of America with such power to subliminally motivate them to hop in a Chevy Camaro and head for Los Angeles.

GNR was grubby looking and inked to the hilt at a time when tattoos and dirty fingernails weren’t a rite of passage, but a complete declaration of anti-social values and poverty. Rose’s lyrics also reeked of anti-social behaviors, with misogyny, addiction, violence, and the brutal reality of the underbelly of Southern California being common themes of their initial batch of material. Appetite was a welcome change from other hard rock bands of the time who were watering down their arrangements to be more palatable to radio and MTV.

The album foundered for nearly a year before someone finally had the good sense to recognize that under the grit of the album’s harsh subject matters was a song of tremendous vulnerability and beauty. By the time the rest of the world finally heard the gentle refrain of “Sweet Child o’ Mine,” the band instantaneously changed from spokesmen for America’s troubled youth to the mainstream’s resident bad boys.

From that point on, the band would never be able to recreate that stunning blend of ferocity and hunger like they did on the debut. We may have come to terms with the fact hat they, particularly Axl at this point, won’t be able to match the level of Appetite again. The challenge that I struggle with is how a blend of five fuckups managed to come that close to perfection in the first place, only to immediately distance them from that winning blueprint.

My cousin isn’t necessarily proud of his youthful indiscretions nowadays; he had a certain amount of reservation in using his past for this public display. The turning point was the record up for discussion. The moment he heard it would be a piece about Appetite For Destruction, he relented about the unflattering points of his teenage years. Because things like pipe bombs, Camaros, Marlboro cigarettes, and running off to Los Angeles are completely logical when Appetite is part of the backdrop. And while we still may be waiting for the next seedy underdogs to rise from the gutter and rally America’s youth, it’s nice to know that Appetite For Destruction still has enough vitriol in it to help teenagers make poor choices for another twenty years.

Axl Rose On That Metal Show

I’ve bagged on VH1 Classic’s That Metal Show, going so far as to state that it wouldn’t last beyond one season. It’s clunky, narrow in its approach and Eddie Trunk’s comedic co-hosts are far from funny.

It’s still guilty of all of those things, but can now claim to be a fan, if only because I can’t name a single television show that devotes as much face time interviewing rock artists. Sure, many of those artists are well beyond their relevance in terms of a modern standpoint, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get a kick at watching Tony Iommi talk about Sabbath or Graham Bonnet talking about whatever the fuck he’s been doing since his only album with the Michael Schenker Group, Assault Attack.

The fact that That Metal Show managed to snag W. Axl Rose for the opening show for whatever season they’re on now, is pretty big news for Eddie and his crew. Unfortunately, the elusive Rose didn’t reveal too much about himself, offering bits about his life but bookending it with meaningless responses and unfunny stories.

We learned that his relationship with bassist Tommy Stinson is strong, and it’s obvious that he’s closest with him than he is with other members of the band. We learned that his previous bouts with tardiness-at least the times during the original G ‘n R days, were part of some passive-aggressive attempt to exert power over the band members and management people who kept him and the band on the road in order to keep the machinery greased.

But what we didn’t learn is why it still happens. Axl’s 50 years old now. He’s not accountable to anyone, meaning that he has the ability to book as many or as little shows as he wants to. There’s no chance that he’ll ever find himself onstage because someone else told him to.

Trunk’s pointed question to him about his problem with showing up on time only tripped up Axl to the point where he half-heartedly admitted that his tardiness goes all the way back to his days in Indiana before throwing everyone else under the bus. “It’s like people get hit by ADD.” He explained. But I fail to see how this works as a legitimate answer since the set list probably hasn’t changed much in over a decade.

Axl’s been ridiculed for his appearance lately-the extra pounds more noticeable as he’s gotten older-but he’d like you to believe that he’s done some cardio “when I can” in preparation for the G ‘n R tour.

Nobody asked about the real Guns ‘n Roses reuniting and I’m betting that was part of the deal.

The entire interview was slapped together and taped about 6:00am, which is hilarious because one of the Guns’ guitarists is also in the band Sixx A.M. I think I saw this guitarist, DJ Ashba, sitting next to Axl, but nobody said shit to him, which is perfect as Ashba, doesn’t know when to shut up and is always selling himself and his swag. Even after all of that self-promotion, 9 out of 10 people have no idea who he is.

To fill up the time, the first half of the show is devoted to getting ready for and just waiting for show up and give half-assed responses to three nutswingers who sound more like Chris Farley interviewing Paul McCartney instead of real interviewers who have legitimate questions to ask.

The worst was Don Jamieson who’s tongue was so far up Axl’s asshole that I believe he actually asked questions about Chinese Democracy.

Thankfully, Trunk was there to salvage some of the conversation, that is, when he wasn’t gushing about the last time he interviewed Axl on his radio show, thanks to a little help from Sebastian Bach.

But for all the hype about this coup of an interview, there was little to be excited about. It merely reflected what has come to be a That Metal Show tradition: providing tolerable coverage of hard rock artists with the show’s monopoly on such interests being its only redeeming value.

Sure, the boys at That Metal Show might have served up some softballs for Axl to swing at in order for him to consider another stop, but it gave viewers no reasons to get excited over that possibility.

Steven Tyler Distracts Media From Suspected Drug Use By Knocking Out His Teeth

I listened to Aerosmith Rocks today, and a short while afterwards I was farting around the intertubes and ran into article that referenced how Steven Tyler’s recent slip in the shower in South America was not caused by a slippery tub.

The suggestion was that Tyler has fallen once again into the wonderful world of narcotics once again, but the suggestion seems to have sparked Steven to respond swiftly and firmly that this was just a simple case of food poisoning.

Between this and the god-awful Axl “Tiny” Rose performance in front of a million people below the equator, South America has become quite the cash cow for aging hard rockers. Evidently, they’re willing to pay top dollar to see these artists, even when they’re well past their prime to which Aerosmith is a part of.

The band has become so relevant at this point in their career that the feuding reported between Tyler and guitar Joe Perry seems downright silly since the band doesn’t seem to be operating like a modern rock unit at this point.

But when it comes to living in the past, Aerosmith does a great job of milking every single dollar out of their aging clientele for one more walk through of “Sweet Emotion.”

Ten bucks says these guys don’t even travel together anymore; I’ll bet that Tyler’s got his own accommodations, putting him in an isolated spot that, even if the fall was due to using, none of the other band members would have be reliable witnesses to unusual antics.

But pictures speak a thousand words, don’t they.

Take a look at Axl's latest GnR line-up and how they tackle "Welcome To The Jungle."



It's almost unlistenable.

He's out of breath. Out of tune. And out of his mind if he thinks this level of blind support will last for very long with performances like this.

I can't believe that bearded guitarist has a job after this show.

Guns N Roses - Chinese Democracy

The last time Guns ‘N Roses released an album, people lined up in front of record stores at midnight and got their copies early. I waited, which was a good thing as it turned out because Use Your Illusion sucked ass (What? Did you think I was talking about The Spaghetti Incident?) and the videos were even worse. I loved how at first everyone declared the double release set such a landmark album, but now has had sixteen years to figure out that is was nothing more than an overwrought Queen handjob, the first steps in making the musicians of G’n’R irrelevant while Axl began assuming control of the brand name.
If sixteen years seems like a long time between albums, consider that the distance between Chinese Democracy and Appetite For Destruction feels and sounds like a lifetime. I don’t need to tell you that there isn’t a modicum of similarities between those two albums, so how Axl can get away with calling Chinese Democracy a G'n'R album is beyond me.
But it’s here now and the best thing about it is you can get yourself a free Dr. Pepper.
Oh, I’m sorry. Is this the part where I’m supposed to be nice to Axl now? Is bashing Chinese Democracy so overdone that we're starting to hear a chorus of supporters who actually praise for this album?
Get the fuck out of here! Chinese Democracy is a piece of shit and the only reason that it’s getting released now is because Axl has officially run of money, ideas on how he can tweak it to make it better, and hard drive space that he could even put that extra overdub.
If I’m being a bit harsh…it’s probably because this has the G’n’R name on it. It’s obviously Axl’s solo album, and a farely lame one at that. Besides, for me to believe that it was a Guns album, I would have to be able recognize some of the players. On Chinese Democracy, I can only recognize Axl (even that is hard to do in some tracks) and the occasional Buckethead guitar solo.
It’s filled with lengthy ballads…hell, everything on it is lengthy, or at least appears lengthy…and huge arrangements that are unnecessary and give the album a pointless cinematic sheen. It would have been a very contemporary sounding album were it released in 1995, but now it sounds woefully dated. Chinese Democracy is a perfect follow-up to the Use Your Illusion set and there is nothing on it that can adequately explain why it took sixteen years to finish.
With all of the ballads…particularly the ones tacked on at the end…the album takes sixteen years to finish. Seriously, these are not tactful and emotive ballads like “Patience” or even “Don’t Cry,” they are epic in scope with Axl just throwing in a bunch of bullshit lines like “You like to hurt me/You know that you do.” That line, from the worst song on the album called “Sorry,” finds Axl hidden behind a bunch of processing, sounding a little like Frank Zappa on “I Have Been In You” from Sheik Yerbouti. The difference being that Zappa was being funny while Axl is dead serious.
There are two fair songs on the album, the title track and “There Was A Time” and one obvious choice for the lead-off single, “Better.” When I say “fair,” I mean that I could have gone forever without hearing them and not missed a goddamn thing while the other eleven tracks, I actually wished that I had gone forever without hearing them.
So why now? I seriously think it’s because Axl is running out of money and, more importantly, out of options at this point. There is an increasingly small window of opportunity with each passing year that enables him to even release an album. Essentially, he would have been forever dicking around in the studio, making a bunch of irrelevant edits, remixes, and overdubs only to have the entire thing leaked onto the internet where a decreasing audience would have downloaded the shit for free.
Which is exactly how I would recommend acquiring Chinese Democracy. But I expect there are still a few hardcore fans that will trek out to Best Buy and shell out whatever is being asked. There will be enough to make this album debut at number one, but very little to sustain it beyond the new year. It will go down in history as a stiff instead of a punch line, but it would have been a hell of a lot more intriguing to just sit on the album forever.
It’s here now, sixteen years of endless discussion that will soon reach the end. Regardless of what I say, you’re probably curious enough to seek it out by whatever method you choose and formulate your own opinion.
And to that, Axl himself addresses it right out of the gate with a line from the title track:
“It don’t really matter/I guess you’ll find out for yourself”

Chinese Democrazy

There’s a interesting article on Bob Lefsez’s site that speaks about GnR’s Chinese Democracy. He’s actually had a few articles on the subject, but it’s the most recent one that’s telling.
We’ve all heard the story of the poor sap that got busted by the FBI for leaking the most recent mix of Chinese Democracy. By the way, the funniest thing that I ever heard about that event was from a comment that stated “The only one who should be arrested for Chinese Democracy is Axl Rose.”
But I digress…
I don’t think anyone can argue with the point that taking things from an artist is wrong and can potentially hurt their careers and income. And I don’t think you’ll hear any argument that the guy that ran the site where Chinese Democracy was found is kind of a moron. Apparently, he tagged the file with his website address in an apparent ploy to gain more hits to his site. This is the equivalent of leaving your social security card after robbing a convenience store.
I guess the guy was a GnR fan, which is a rare commodity especially after waiting over a decade for some new material. I wish that someone would ask him now if he’s still a fan.
The dude has acknowledged that he was at fault, but was this Draconian method of stopping him the right thing to do?
From the sounds of it, the news of the man being arrested by the FBI not only created a firestorm of interest about the story itself, it created a huge surge in people seeking out getting their own download of Chinese Democracy. That’s right: the action to suppress illegal downloading of this album actually contributed to more illegal downloads of it.
As a matter of fact, I have personally seen my own version of Chinese Democracy…which apparently is not the offending mix…become my most requested upload on the P2P service that I regularly use. Not that this is the most scientific method, but the article on The Lefsez Letter also suggests that the publicity has created more interest in others acquiring their own copy of Chinese Democracy than before.
Why the interest? 1.) because its been over a decade and this album has been a running joke for half of that and 2.) because Axl is batshit crazy and nobody with half a brain gives their money to people who are batshit crazy. Anyone who’s sane and not a GnR fanboy would agree that the band hasn’t done anything notable since Appetite anyway, so all we’d be holding out for is another over-produced and overwrought “epic” that’s just another outlet to satisfy Axl’s Captain Fantastic boner.
So even though I don’t have the “official” Chinese Democracy mix (and, apparently, the real thing is being negotiated for a retail deal ala The Eagles and AC/DC) how does it rate? It’s good…not great…essentially an Use Your Illusion that would have been relevant (ironically) 10 years ago but now sounds somewhat dated. That’s assuming that Axl hasn’t remixed the thing, which is highly unlikely, and that he’s driven himself further in the corner in trying to stay ahead of things. It may have done well years ago, perhaps revered the same way Illusion was when it was first released (remember those midnight sales of it?).
Then it would quickly die and fall off the radar in the same manner that those two albums were when people finally discovered “Hey! These things are not as good as Appetite!” The brilliance about Axl, I suppose, is that he managed to give Chinese Democracy…an album that is shittier than even Illusion(s)...with more shelf life than he could have gotten on its own merits.

You're In The Jungle Baby! (Preface)

I wrote a lengthy piece for Glorious Noise concerning the 20th Anniversary of Appetite For Destruction recently, using my cousin’s experience and history with the album because it was much more entertaining than my own experience.
Also, my cousin was one of those people that was a supporter of GNR from day one, whereas I finally relented to them after a college girlfriend jumped on the bandwagon during the “Sweet Child O’ Mine” single and played the album incessantly.
Part of my issue was that, when Appetite was originally released, I was going through a very unnecessary stage of purging anything metal related from my personal collection. It made no sense, I know, and it essential was a feeble attempt at trying to hide some fairly significant portion of my life.
It also didn’t help that the girlfriend in question was also into Dokken, and this was at least three or four years after Dokken even had a hit. So with that frame of reference, I placed GNR in a similar quality even though I secretly knew that there was a lot of pretty awesome stuff to be found on Appetite.
At the radio station I worked for, we had been playing Guns ‘N Roses for quite some time and when “Sweet Child” started to get big, that meant that every other rock and Top 40 station also started to play Guns ‘N Roses.
To address this, and to appear somewhat credible to the few listeners we had, I started programming some of the deeper cuts from Appetite that I knew other stations wouldn’t touch. Songs like “Mr. Brownstone,” “My Michelle” and “It’s So Easy” received airplay, even during the day even though it probably violated some FCC guideline somewhere.
The station had a metal show that aired live every Saturday night and we had a creepy dude in his thirties that hosted the program. He lived at home with his Mother, drove a Yugo, and couldn’t figure out why he could never get laid after saying things like “I’ll eat your pussy so good you’ll see God.” He was also a huge fan of early Queensryche, which may explain something.
One week, he came into the office and wasn’t his usual, boisterous self. When pressed, he hinted that he had met a girl and it seemed like she had started to turn his life around. By the next week, he was dressing up with a tie and by the third week, he had turned in his resignation for hosting the weekend metal show. I asked him why, since he was actually pretty good at what he did and was fairly passionate about the genre. He confessed that his new girlfriend was a devout Christian and felt that his music was negatively influencing him and, therefore, thwarting any progress of their relationship.
Such a decision also meant that I wouldn’t be conversing with him on a regular basis either; instead of spending his free time harassing girls or extolling the virtues of Geoff Tate, he was trying to convince people that they needed to get right with God.
One day, he stopped by the station and told me that he was selling his entire cd collection because it was unholy. The prices he was asking was incredibly low, so I went over to his place and picked up Aerosmith Toys In The Attic, Queensryche Operation: Mindcrime, Marillion Misplaced Childhood (and some rare 12” imports from them too) and Guns ‘N Roses Appetite For Destruction.
About a month later, the dude’s girlfriend dumped him to go back with her ex, leaving the recently converted, ex-metalhead alone with Christ and a few shitty Stryper albums. He asked me if he could buy back the stuff he sold me, above the amount I paid for them. I said “No.”
The Queensryche album and Marillion’s effort didn’t make it; they were sold to a used record store for a profit compared to why I paid the former-Jesus freak. Aerosmith and Guns ‘N Roses managed to remain with me to this day.
And both I revere as classic albums that should on proud display in any record collection.
Guns 'N Roses Appetite For Destruction was released on this day in 1987.