Fun In The Cubicle

At my job, I’m required to document my interaction with clients including their first and last names. On occasion, I will forget to get complete name which enables me to make up my own. One of my favorite things is to merely put the name of a television show. Example: I received a call from a “James,” forgot his last name, so I documented the call as from “James Atfifteen.” It’s become such a joy that I now incorporate the idea into names that I know fully.
Example: a call from Larry Smith will be coded as “Hello Larry Smith.”
A call from an Asian woman who I didn’t understand the name was listed as “Pink Lady.” I thought about coding it “Themaidfromthecourtshipofeddie’sfather” but that was too long.
It makes me laugh out loud, even when I realize that 90% of the people that may come across it will have no idea that MacLean Stevenson’s first role after leaving M.A.S.H. was the short-lived and incredibly unfunny Hello Larry.
I don’t know what it is, but right around 2:00pm, I’m ready to explode. It is around this time when the company allows me to field calls from dipshits that I come close to behaving poorly enough that it’s grounds for being written up. Today, I dealt with an old cunt from Minnesota who chastised me because the hold music wasn’t good enough to her liking and the voice prompt that advises “Your call is important to us” wasn’t sincere enough.
I swear to god that I’m not making this up.
Understanding what kind of sad individual that I was about to be dealing with, I advised the old bag that I would have a supervisor re-record the voice prompts and have them “put it a new cassette.” Additionally, I told her that whoever sent her the notice that stated she was late who immediately be reprimanded. I usually refer to the offending employee as “Carlos” or “Clark,” two fictitious members of our organization that get the brunt of my blame.
The reality on this particular case is this: the decomposing bitch waited until the last minute to send her payment in, and decided to send in an amount that was different that her payment coupon stated. This caused the payment to be received a day after the due date and a delay of an additional two days in posting it as it had to be manually entered into the system because it didn’t match what we were anticipating. Essentially, the system automatically generated a late notice a day after it noticed we hadn’t received her payment and while it was making its way into our company, our company was sending her the obligatory “you’re late” letter.
By the time she received it, everything was hunky dory, but she had it in her mind that she was going to give someone a what for, even though I was feeding her with the responses that she really wanted to hear.
There was not a hint of remorse after learning that I would personally advise “Carlos’” supervisor that he sent out the late notice without knowing that her payment was in the mail on its way to us.
I hope that fucker gets fired for not reading her mind.
We also have these acrylic holders that house our cubicle addresses and proper names. I replaced my supervisor’s name tag with “The Lady.” He knew it was me.